Family

Assalamualaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Jazakum Allahukhayr (May Allah awj Reward you abundantly) for dropping by this little memorabilia of mine. A tiny sketch made up of words. A segment of my life in this world to be shared with those who are curious with my simple writings. A very simpleton indeed. Yet, my father never failed to stop by this simple writing of mine, every single day whenever he misses me. My number one stalker of IG and blogs, even there is no interesting fact of the days to share. That’s a proper fan, lol.

Alhamdulillah ala kuli hal (Thanks to Allah awj for every single thing)

In the past 3 months since I have jotted down a few sentences, many things happened, and even up till this very second, I am not able to digest everything well.

It feels like a total dream, like, floating in the air with so many things happening at once. And this little girl trying so hard to comprehend, but the heart is sealed in a fixed box, and doesn’t want to comprehend. It’s wonderful how others see her as having abundance of patience, but she knew well, she was breaking down slowly but surely. It’s hilarious how teary eyed she was before this, but now, the stream just kept falling without her realizing it. And the stream never stopped despite her better half wipe them away. A week which was one of the most repeated week when she wakes up now. And truly, she is grieving physically despite her mind says everything is going to be okay. It has been over two months now, yet, everything still remains fresh. The messages are just a scroll away. The scent of his face when they met in the airport as she kissed him on his cheek is still fresh in her mind. What more the scent which is sealed in her minds when she kissed him every day on the forehead since he was admitted in the hospital. Every single word which comes out from the doctor’s mouth is embedded in her memory. As a doctor, she felt hurt much more. At times, she question herself, why is she a doctor? Why is she a daughter? Why is she… even living…  At times when the world surrounds does not make sense and people start to live themselves. At most times she felt deeply hurt and sadden sometimes for no apparent reason. An event she was looking forward to excitedly transformed into an event she dreaded to be even present. At most of the times, nothing cared more than being immersed in her own thoughts. Dividing priorities with the background of history. History of how her relationship with her father was. The many things that only he understood and comprehended excellently. The close friends he recognized since she was nine untill twenty eight. The deepest sorrows he felt just by a glance of her. The cheeky childishness hidden throughout. The silence of anger when she opt not to speak. Many things she recognised much later than him. And the biggest pains when she hurt him in a way she never noticed.

A father is everything to a child when he has given all his everything to her. That is why it hurts deeply when he goes. When all things seem to be difficult to breath in this suffocating world of pretence and puppetry. When there is no other human being that would love or sacrifice for you more that a parent would. That is when the hurting really starts to feel genuine. It’s when the father has shower the child with the best of love and care, provide with the most tender of provisions, and loved and care with sincerity since we were small. It is when he never gave up in giving despite how many times his child has disappointed him. It is when he does mistakes and realize them then he confront those mistakes and redo in a better way. It is when he look at his child with such high hopes. Not to be the most successful person on earth but just to see you smile. Because it is just your smile which matters most.

A whole book can be written to list all the love and care both my parents have given me. All four of them. But I would summarize in a post to remind me first and foremost about how much they have been a pivotal part in my tiny life.

Many times I joke with my mom. Every time she says, ” If Allah awj was to say my time is up,” and me chirping in, ” But what if Allah awj were to say my time is up earlier?” And then she looked at me speechless with a rush of thoughts in her mind. Her wrinkles on her face has shown accompanied by the aging eyebags. Every single year when I return home from abroad, I would sit and observe every line on my parents’ faces and tell them how much they have aged. But this time when I saw them in the airport. I noticed a much clearer difference in my father’s face. I just kept quiet, asking Allah awj to always Bless them and to Grant them the best of barakah in whatever they have done and are doing. And as I talked to him when we were renting the car, he seemed much more calmer than before I was married. I wondered why. Even for myself and the short course of marriage, I can sense the difference of my characters. Much more preserved and calmer. But being with parents after marriage has just been a different ambience for me. Maybe it’s just me Allah Knows Best. The ambience was a touchingly reflective one and I can never repeat them without my parents. It’s a wonderful feeling that Allah awj Grants us with, especially for someone like me whom I predict to be the most unemotional girl I’ve known. Emotions just run into you, when you’ve grown to that age you realize the true fact of, “I could do my job as a daughter better.”

The heart hurts the most when coming back from the bridge, he gripped his chest and looked at me, “Is it supposed to be this painful.” And I was lost, I don’t know what exactly it was. I highly suspected it to be a cardiac event or just a musculoskeletal pain. But most of the time, I still remained clueless. It was in minutes when the ambulance came and he was checked and confirmed with an anterolateral MI. My world suddenly dimmed in the dimmest situation I’ve never experienced. As my eyes caught the sight of him tolerating pain with the analgesics given to him. The last time I saw him conscious.

2:155

And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,

2:156

Who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return.”

2:157

Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.

(Al Quran, Surah Al Baqarah)

Mothers’ Love

The most devastating scene a child has to face is when the mother is crying. I can’t stand women crying. What more, if it’s your own mother crying. Since the time my father was admitted until she left her in the airport, she never could forget how her mother looked. She was the most delightful woman she has ever know when she saw her in the airport. There were many reasons to be happy, the most obvious ones are to be able to reunite with their only daughter and to attend an event which celebrate the union of two families, miles apart. Since the blessed day Allah awj unite me and my husband, I’m blessed with another mother. Once my better half told me, “Your mother is my mother and my mother is your mother.” Simple reminder but it remained etched in my memory. SubhanAllah, those old tradition of mother in law and daughter in law taboos and disputes are all long gone once Islam came. Which is 1400 years ago. There is no such thing as mother in law, as it’s just another mother, a second wonderful person who enters our life once we’re married. And never a second passed, my mother in law never missed making duaas for us, and always being concern for me like her very own daughter. Families subhanAllah, are such wonderful blessing, and truthfully a blessing we always tend to forget. May Allah awj grant our mothers the best of patience since they took care of us, may Allah awj grant them ease in every single thing they are pursuing, and may Allah awj Grant them the highest levels of paradise. I truly love my mothers. May Allah awj Bless them always.

Husband’s Warmth

I thought my life was basically over. Deep inside me accumulating all those strengths I perceive to possess, none existed. Slowly,  I was shattering inside. Covered with the patches of strength I gather from people and remembrance of words of Allah, I felt completely lost. I got easily teared up. And nothing could change these feelings inside nor could expose them. Except in those moments when my better half would hugged me, I felt sane again. I became normal to most, I cry as much as I could. I felt a sense of guilt, as a normal human being. I felt that this world meant nothing. I felt hopeless, but very hopeful to only one thing. That one thing I ask from Allah awj to never take away from me. His Rahmah. His Mercy. His Mercy to accept everything from my father, my family, me. His Mercy to Forgive us all. His Mercy to Love us more and more. His Mercy to accept me, even though I was nothing compared to others. Every single second, my prayers encompassed on His Mercy. Every single prostration, I ask of His awj Mercy. Every single flash of thought, I ask again, of His awj endless Mercy. I asked him as I knew my heart never felt more shattering before. I would feel upset, sad, or in despair with many things, myself, other people or the ummah, but this type of feeling was the first for me. I then realized something, I really properly loved my father. I loved him so much, Allah awj Knew that very well, thus I was tested with this huge test. Perhaps, to others their father means nothing but to me, it meant the whole world. He believed in me when no one would. He loved me so much when others don’t even care. He trusted me when no one was to trust me. And he kept giving me his very best, although I gave him nothing. And the seconds I realized this, I noticed it was too late. Here is the place, the room filled with ventilators and cardiac pumps, and intravenous medicines I started to notice. And thus, it hurt more. When you knew it’s too late to realize. I looked around him as my eyes glanced through the screen, the medications he was on. Being very familiar with Intensive Care Unit settings, it was a double edged sword. I felt privileged, yet hurt more. I understood to a depth of understanding that it was hurtful to translate those knowledge to my loved ones. And in midst this gloomy thunders playing in the heart and minds, it was the other half’s hugs and smile which warmed me up. His hugs remind me, that he is always there fore me. And his smiles reminded me, that indeed this world is temporary. Although we could calculate how many days we have been married, I fell in love with my husband in a totally different way no one could imagine. It was that point when you’re in your worst state, you notice who still stays behind. And in those lowest moments of mine, Allah awj Blessed me with the calmest of love from my always better half, may Allah awj Bless him always.

13:19

Then is he who knows that what has been revealed to you from your Lord is the truth like one who is blind? They will only be reminded who are people of understanding –

13:20

Those who fulfill the covenant of Allah and do not break the contract,

13:21

And those who join that which Allah has ordered to be joined and fear their Lord and are afraid of the evil of [their] account,

13:22

And those who are patient, seeking the countenance of their Lord, and establish prayer and spend from what We have provided for them secretly and publicly and prevent evil with good – those will have the good consequence of [this] home –

13:23

Gardens of perpetual residence; they will enter them with whoever were righteous among their fathers, their spouses and their descendants. And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, [saying],

13:24

“Peace be upon you for what you patiently endured. And excellent is the final home.”

(Al Quran, Surah Ar Ra’d)

May Allah awj Grant us the best of families, and may Allah awj Gather all of us and our families in the best of gatherings. May Allah awj Grant us all the most excellent of homes in that eternal place. May Allah awj Grant us perseverance and patience, and Grant us His awj Mercy and Love to us always. May Allah awj Forgive us all.

Allah Knows Best. 

 

 

 

 

 

Many Loves

 

Forgive & Gratefulness

She looked up on the skies, stars scattered with all its beauty. SubhanAllah. Beautiful indeed.

“So what can you learn from that?” he asked as he looked at her a few times.

“To have hearts as wide as the skies, to forgive others when needed and to never be stingy to ask for forgiveness.” She smiled as she held his warm arms.

“Warm heart is gold. But warm body with a warm heart is diamond!” She laughed as she cuddled more.

The blessing of being able to be with someone who is able to be there for you. Even not 24hours seven, is very comforting. To know that you and the other is completed after fitting the halves together is an overjoyed feeling only Allah awj Knows. To be able to lean on the shoulders of others when own shoulders are too heavy brings an indescribable bliss. All this- a beautiful loan from Allah awj that He Lends to us, temporarily and no one knows about when that return date is, except Him.

Alhamdulillah ya Rabb, Alhamdulillah.

“And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.’”

(Qur’an , Surah Ibrahim :7)

For her,

Surely she misses a lot of things. The buzz of the hospital craze, the laughters of he favourite niece aka bestie. The ups and downs she used to undergo alone. The grandfathers who tangles her mind more than anyone else. And the grandmothers who keep ranting to her even though they knew she had too much work to even stop. She missed them, no doubt one two three. She missed the cheeky colleagues who would stop her in the midst of the runs, and them sneaking to the Chinese restaurants whenever they feel like too. She missed lying in the stuffy prayer room, reflecting on why the job is so hard and why didn’t she give up years ago. She misses them, and she will always miss. Nothing can replace such beautiful uniquely painful memoirs of her life. It’s her growing season where she was mashed up most. And to leave all those to open up a new chapter of life, is surely tough. But pleasantly tough. And she always reminds herself, ‘It’s not easy to be easy.’

This long ride of life, to some it may be short, depends when their expiry date is… gives us so much, yet we give it back so little.

Allah awj Has Given so much yet we thank Him so little. It’s when the tests and trials that come along the way, makes us think that He awj Has Tested us with so much, when truth is, He awj Has Given us much more.

With so much that Allah awj Has Given us who needs what is being given to us, yet, some still insist on being arrogant. Astaghfirullahiladhim.

A hadith to think and reflect upon – dedicated to me first and foremost.

The Prophet ﷺ tells us that no one with an ounce of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise. In seeking to understand what arrogance means, the companions asked “O Prophet of Allah, what if a person likes to dress well?” The Prophet ﷺ responded, “Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. Arrogance is rejecting truth and looking down on people”

[Muslim]

At the end of the day, it’s not about the time when you or me will leave this world,

it’s – Are we ready for it?

Let’s not be greatful, but be more grateful. 

Astaghfirullah, Allah Knows Best.

PS: Keep me in your precious duaas – Exams coming in March inshaa Allah. :) 

A Bunch of Breaths

baby

Assalamualaykum warahmatullah,

A Bunch of Kindness

The rays of sunlight filled her closed eyes as she stepped out of the van. She took a deep breath of the crisp fresh air as the mutters of her brothers could be heard in the background.

“I never understood, like why. Why do we have to do these all? Like, we could be somewhere else enjoying precious time with family. But now?”

Sakeenah smiled as she packed out the boxes out of the van. That was considered a normal respond she kind of expected after a two hours drive.

“I second you Abang Tawfiq. Like, why are we ever here???” Yusuf followed his sister packing the boxes and bringing them to the porch.

It was the  most dilapidated house they have been in the entire lives. There were a few clucking food-deprived chickens scurrying in the lands with some old cats lying under the house. It was a cliché village house with tall coconut trees shading the area. A young girl aged around 5 was seen in the distance running towards them.

“Kak Kinah!!!” Her chirpy excited voice could be heard in the distance.

Yusuf and Tawfiq looked at the girl as though the girl just arrived from Venus. The girl had her arms wrapped in Sakeenah’s neck until half of her hijab nearly pulled to the back. She carried the tiny girl in her arms as she kissed her on her cheeks.

“The entire world has been anticipating for you!”

“Better not be, I’m great in disappointing people dear.  I came guarded with my two charming guards back here. This is Yusuf, and Tawfiq, my brothers. Tawfiq 10 and Yusuf 6. Your ‘abang’s Yusra.”

Yusra held on to Sakeenah’s hands more firmly and looked at the two boys shyly. She gave a swift wave and gave her focus back on Sakeenah.

“And this, this trendy hijab of yours, did you get it from those metropolitan cities? Or did you get them from the branded places? And yes, Ummi will never let me wear any hijabs yet because.. because she say I never took care of my own belongings. Like.. as if.. I could lose my head the hijab will be lost too right, like… you get me Kak Kinah?”

Sakeenah smiled as Yusra pulled her towards the door of the house she has last been a year ago.

As she entered the door and gave her salams, Yusra ran into one of the rooms. She stopped as a distinct scent filled her nostrils. Tawfiq dropped his baggage and felt nauseous. He ran out of the house as Yusuf followed him. Sakeenah knocked on the closest room’s door which Yusra was in. The smell got stronger as she stepped in. Sitting on a chair, as still as a stone was a white haired man eyes locked onto the out of the window. His frail and cachectic body frame made Sakeenah felt an indescribable feeling deep inside. Yusra was facing him and keep chatting away about the guests coming to the house, yet he sat still without a twitch of a muscle. Sakeenah slowly walked towards him who was sitting still on the wheelchair. His glistening grey eyes started to widen as they met with Sakeenah’s eyes.

“Assalamualaykum Tok Pi.” He replied with a slight nod of his head and turned his head to out of the window again.

“It seems that he has soiled himself again. Mak Jah is still in the paddy fields with the other grandmothers. So, she didn’t have the time to clean him this time.”

Sakeenah patted on Yusra’s head and gently told her to help her take off the blankets. Despite coming from a quite tragic family, Yusra grew up into a beautiful young orphan from the age of 2 years old. She now is adopted by a young couple who lived near the paddy fields, but she was too used to Mak Jah, that she ‘lived’ with Mak Jah and Tok Pi since she was 3. They were fond of her most particularly with her liveliness which lit up the gloomy days of their lives.

As she folded the blankets and cleaned the linens, her eyes steal glances of Tok Pi who kept silent. It was Allah’s Will and Plans that he was not able to move much since 5 months ago. When he was attacked by an embolic stroke whilst helping out in the fields. He fell and became partially physical paralysed, but his heart and mind never changed. He was able to comprehend what happened in the outside world but he could not respond appropriately to them. He felt so frustrated yet there was nothing much he could do.

“Do not worry, even a bit. This world was created for us like an exam hall. Every exam that comes, we must give our best and only our best. True, it is stressful at times, but those who shine in the hardest of exams are always the real stars. We are living not because of other  people so and so… but we are living only for Allah awj’s Sake, and only Him. So don’t give up  just yet. The path has just begun.” Sakinah smiled as she bathed Tok Pi and Yusra gleaming joyfully by her side. Yusuf and Tawfiq were playing with the traditional games located in one of the rooms whilst chatting away within themselves. About the difference of lives in the village compared to the hustle and bustle of the city. Sakinah listened attentively to their chats as she tried to pay attention to Yusra’s rants as well. She smiled. Alhamdulillah, it has been ages since she stepped into this house, and alhamdulillah she was able to bring the boys with him. There’s more to learn than just the calmness of the village.

“And and and he was so upset, he nearly did not eat like since two days ago.” Yusra continued as she folded some of the laundry in front of them.

“Huh? Sorry? Who has not eat for like two days?” Sakinah stopped her.

“Tok Pi. Mak Jah mentioned something which disappoint him. And I never saw anymore disappointing for him. Yusra whispered as Tok Pi was seated near them facing the paddy fields. His fingers rummaging the old tasbeeh Hafeez once got for him a year ago.

Sakinah pulled Yusra into the kitchen and kneeled in front of her.

“What happened?”

“Basically, Mak Jah wanted to move out from this house, to the city near Khaleel. And she was trying to explain it to Tok Pi. It’s easier to get someone to take care of him, in his condition, and easier for you to come visit. Tok Pi was enraged. He was struggling to move, but he moved. He refused to eat since then. And Mak Jah never had proper food since then too. Upset about upsetting her husband. And the person who has the most proper meals is here, standing and talking to you! As strong as a horse!” Yusra chuckled whilst holding on her stomach.

“Healthy and strong indeed!”

Sakinah brought the bowl of mixed vegetables soup into the room. She sat in front of Tok Pi, who looked into her eyes, trying to understand her. as seconds passed, tears started streaming on her cheeks. Tok Pi started patting on her hands and tears start streaming too. They understood one another even in silence. Tok Pi’s hands reached her face, trying to wipe the tears. Sakinah smiled, looking at him.

“Alhamdulillah life has taught us so much, I feel that it is created so temporary. The days and nights which men try to conquer so much sometimes forget the fact that they don’t own them at all. It’s just some passing moments which Allah awj Gives us chances to give our best in preparation to meeting Him awj. People come and go, and that is dunya. People make us laugh and cry, that is dunya, Tok Pi. And our strength turns into weaknesses, and health turns into sickness, that is dunya. And the heart years so much to be always happy, laugh, strong and healthy and that is why Jannah was created, for Allah awj Knows that our hearts yearns for  permanence, and that surely comes with huge sacrifice and hard work. He has earned his place inshaaAllah, it’s just us to give our best.” Sakinah smiled as she feed Tok Pi, who was nodding slowly to her mumbles and whispers. The boys have been in their naps in a while while Yusra was busy completing her homework.

“Don’t give up too easily, Tok Pi for alhamdulillah Allah Has Given us so much since we were born. It’s hard, I understand but try look this as a positive way, a path that Allah awj Will cleanse our sins and giving us new opportunities to depend on Him awj more than we ever before.”

“Assalamualaykum!” Mak Jah’s voice was heard on the door and Yusra’s gleeful running could be heard welcoming her back home. Sakinah smiled, her mother has returned.

2:255

“Allah – there is no deity except Him, the Ever-Living (al-Ḥayy), the Sustainer of [all] existence (Al-Qayyūm). Neither drowsiness overtakes Him nor sleep. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. Who is it that can intercede with Him except by His permission? He knows what is [presently] before them and what will be after them, and they encompass not a thing of His knowledge except for what He wills. His kursi [throne] extends over the heavens and the earth, and their preservation tires Him not. And He is the Most High, the Most Great.”

(Al Quran , Surah Al Baqarah : 255)

Allahua’lam.

Cold Hearts

Assalamualaykum wr wbt

How Much

Allah the Exalted said,

“Is one whose chest Allah has opened to Islam [sharaha Allahu sadrahu] so that he has received light from his Lord (no better than one hard-hearted)?” (Qur’an, 39:22)

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ was asked about sharh as-sadr and he said,

“It is a light cast into the heart by which the chest is opened and expanded.”
He ﷺ was asked, “Is there a way of recognizing one who possesses that light?”
He ﷺ responded, “Yes. [Such people can be recognized by their] indifference towards the abode of delusions [i.e., the life of this world], their constant turning towards the abode of eternity [the hereafter], and their preparation for death before it arrives.”
He was asked, “How does one prepare for death?”

He ﷺ said, “Those of you who remember it the most are the best prepared for it.”

***

“I wonder, how many people would attend my janazah prayers.”

Silence filled the air. Both of them were thinking whilst eyes filled with tears and hearts filled with this certain heaviness no one can describe. She doesn’t know exactly what it was. It was neither depression or mourning. It was a saying of, ‘See you in Jannah if Allah Wills kid. If Allah Wills.’

Death, one of her favourite topics for it soften the hardest hearts and it melts the toughest ices. She turned to ‘Izzah who was shrugging her shoulders, tears started to roll down.

Doctors are human beings too, and sometimes the weakest. True, they do see deaths daily but some deaths are just too difficult to accept. Like how insanely difficult exams are and we fail at times, that is how deaths are to them.

Sakeenah stood still looking carefully at every part of the 3 months old child. She touched gently the legs. As cold as ice. And slowly she felt for signs of life in the trunk and the head. All as cool as ice. As strong as she wanted to be for the patient’s family members, she could not. The mother with swollen eyes came to her and smiled. “It’s easy to say, your child is now in Jannah, but it’s still difficult for the heart to accept this qadr, right. I breastfed him and dear him for a good three months, and now he’s gone, Doctor… Tell me, is there such thing as a miracle, and will he be back…” Her words were interrupted with breaks of cries. As much as she wanted to reply as optimistic as she can, she just can’t.

For Allah awj Always Know the best. He Knows Exactly when is the best time for someone to live, some other to pass away. To some of us it may be absurd but it is the Best in His Eyes, so why did we try to go against that?

“I thought you were strong.”

As strong as a lion could be, she still shed tears when her cub is pounced by hyenas. As strong as she may seem, her heart shattered into million pieces when she sees mothers cry.

Half two in the morning. At the corner of the hospital, where no one could see her, as her aching body leaned on the walls. She slided down slowly ruffled heart soothed by the tapping slow rain. Her head, it could burst anytime soon. Her heart, as she clutched the front shirt with her fist, she felt the heart ache throbbing through her chest. Her breathing became deeper and it concluded in a burst of expected tears. She continued for 5 seconds, and she thought it was going to stop. The crying became deeper as her heart pounded harder. She wiped her flowing tears minds flying all over the places. How could it happen that fast.. Ya Rabb. This is one occurence in many when everytime her patient passed away. It was impossible not to have that emotional connection with her patients. As lowest in the hierarchy she has in the pyramid of those who give medical assistance to others, she bonded the best she could with her patients. Her head became lighter as more tears flow out. Sometimes, these tears are mechanisms for her to feel lighter, and to bring her to the most truthful self of hers. No masks, no pretence. No trying to be strong moments. Just her being super honest in front of her Creator awj. She tried standing up, and walked towards the ward and she saw the figure of her colleague doing some reviews on a dozing patient. She sat on the stool next to her, and observed quietly. As she observed her and the patient in front of them, tears fell again, forgetting the barriers she tried to create with public.

“Keenah, what’s wrong?” ‘Izzah’s jaws dropped seeing her colleague who she never saw crying, crying in front of her.

“Hah, this is called excessive hormonal imbalance or in other words, allergic rhinitis.” Sakeenah accompanied her tears with a few sniffs, sneezes and coughs, trying to re-enact those URTI moments in her life. She smiled and laughed forcedfully.

“Anything, I can do? You okay?” ‘Izzah started writing in the notes as she glanced on and off her colleague whose face has gone red with bilateral swelling eyes.

“You know… Just cry. That’s one top super power we have as a woman. The ability to cry without a specific reason. So, just cry, don’t build them in your chest. You’ll either explode in depression or mania if you hold it to yourself.”

Colleagues. The fantastic colleagues you have to keep pushing you despite you’re being in the weakest state. That is one thing she could sum up in her internship. And for these fantastic colleagues whom Allah awj Bless her with, she never forgets their deeds. It’s possible for her to forget their names, but deeds never subhanAllah. And seriously, may Allah awj Always Reward them with the best of the best in this world and next. It’s through those toughest times when she felt like jumping of the highest levels of buildings, these colleagues kept reminding her that the job, despite of the exhaustion, it is rewarded abundantly if we made the correct intentions. And it’s in those tiny reminders and warnings, they shoot directly in the most accurate point, and shakes some sensibilities in her. And these colleagues does not only comprises of interns like her.

She treasure the wonderful crew of nurses, who always smiled to her despite her feeling not to smile back. Being pushed and pulled in extreme directions… there are moments like that, even though you know well that patience is mostly important. You just tend to be less patient, and easily to give out on innocent ones. And the nurses who have the biggest hearts are those who forgive you easily despite you break their hearts numerous times. That is why, it’s crucial, when they ask you nicely,

“Doctor, there is something to be done for this patient.” to reply back with,

“Yes, kak, I’ll come in a second and see what is wrong, thank you, jazakillahukhayr for telling me.” not with,

“Kak, that is not my patient!”

Create wonderful bonds with them, and you’ll not only get wonderful assistance from them, but you’ll attain wonderful friends out of your doctor-ship zone. And these nurses or I usually call them older sisters (kakak) are the ones who attend your invites without any hesitation. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.

a

Fantastic colleagues also include the brilliant senior medical officers and specialists who never see ranks as a way to judge others. These senior medical officers  and specialists whom I respect the most are always the ones who treat us interns as their colleagues too. They never see it as a chore in helping us out, or to explain any queries we have for them. It is quite transparent seeing them doing this job or a wonderful opportunity to give to the ummah – as sincerely as they can. They know that treating others respectfully is vital in ensuring that they can give their best for God’s Sake. I can’t list what all my senior colleagues have done for me, but everytime I past by them and they smile at me, acknowledging my tiny existence, I ask Allah awj to bless them with the best of blesssings always. May Allah awj Always Reward them abaundantly, and shower them with heaps of sabr and mercy.

May Allah awj protect us from cold hearts, and warm our hearts with lots of love, mercy and kindness to others.

May Allah awj widen up our hearts and fill them with forgiveness and to easily ask others for forgiveness.

May Allah awj protect us from hasad, jealousy and hatred to anything  around us.

May Allah awj Grant us a sound heart until the second we meet Him and He awj is Pleased with us.

#lookingforwardtothenextplanetrip

#lookingmoreforwardtomeetmine

#andyeapmakeduaaIveexamstomorrow😀

Allah Knows Best.

Blessed Blessings

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh.

May Allah awj Bless all reading this with endless blessings. And endless love and mercy. May Allah awj Ease all difficulties you’re undergoing now and present, and may Allah awj Grant infinite patience in all trials and gratefulness in all blessings. 

Missing Me

Where have I been? Alhamdulillah going through a new phase of life in this dunya and inshaa Allah a new chapter beyond jannah inshaa Allah. Allah awj Has Granted us sure lots to even think about, and alhamdulillah for me a wonderful other half of me, whom is always near the heart despite far in the eyes. May Allah awj Bless you always, dear. And buzzed with my final posting in my two years internship- an exhilarating journey indeed, I’m given the amanah to excel in anaesthesiology, completed 3 months alhamdulillah, now another one to go. What exactly are my feelings? Mixed with the extremes of feelings. SubhanAllah, could write a book on what my colleagues and me went through. A wonderous yet painful journey to sum up. But never in a milisecond of my internship have I regretted, despite feeling numerous times to give up. There are so many things to tell and share, inshaa Allah, I’ll break it down in a few blog posts, for those who are willing to read my long writes. *missing this vaiopianoish feeling😉 *

Alhamdulillah the total postings I’ve been through were Medicine, Orthopaedics, Surgery, Obstetrics and Gynaecology, Paediatrics and Anaesthesiology. And through these toughest times of my entire life, I learnt the most of myself, my strengths, weaknesses, uppers and lowers. I met the most amazing people in my life, and also those who really tested my highest levels of patience. I cried most in these two years compared to the past 25 years I have lived. And 99% of these happening around me, was with the power of Al Malik awj and my amazing colleagues, whom I will always remember biidhnillah. Typing this off, indeed is an emotional moment. Ya Allah, Please Ease.

Medicine

She looked around. Third day of life, and nurses were shouting – “Pt LO!” And her thinking panickingly what in the world is LO??? She turned to her senior colleagues who straight away stopped what they were doing and went to Room 6 where the nurses gathered. She walked meekly towards the room, legs wanting to help but mind was not exactly sure what to do. Sandeep a 1 week older colleague than her smiled, “Don’t worry, this happens like every 2 days, you just have to relax. How you feel now, I’ve been through it. And it will make sense sooner or later.” His words were assuring, bringing a sense of ‘it’s okay if you have no clue what to do even you are a so called doctor’. She just smiled forcefully in reply, seriously have no idea how to react. She watched by the side. Raj, another senior colleague looked at her as they were trying to insert the canullas in the collapsed 34 year old gentleman on the bed. CPR was commenced whilst others were busy helping out, except herself. She looked at them blankly, seriously trying to digest what was happening. What is happening to him? What can I do? How should I help? What needs to be done first. Oh no they did that so now what? “ECG!” Raj half shouting to her who was still blank. One of the nurses pushed the ECG machine and passed on too her the leads. She looked at Raj and leaned slowly to whisper to him. “Hrm.. I don’t know how to do this…” “What????!!!” He shouted back looking at her with disgust. Shaken by the reply look, she quickly started putting on the leads with the guide of Sandeep. “Learn quick.” “This is how you do things.” “Don’t just be a blanko.” “Is this the normal level of your IQ?” All these comments were just a beginning. Heart was shattered daily. Due to lack of knowledge and experience, she woke up at 5am went to work at 5.30am, prayed fajr at hospital and started reviewing patients at 6am. Worked supposedly start at 7am and ends at 6pm, but for the first two months, no way she could go home at 6pm. Earliest was 10pm, and that if it was an okay day. If not, 11pm. Back home at midnight, woke at 5am and the cycle repeated. Does she feel exhausted? Yes she does and a few times she felt like she wanted to collapse and CPR be commenced on her as well.

“He is Allah, other than whom there is no deity, the Sovereign, the Pure, the Perfection, theBestower of Faith, the Overseer (al-Muhaymin), the Exalted in Might, the Compeller, the Superior.Exalted is Allah above whatever they associate with Him.”

(Qur’an, 59:23)

10.30pm she was walking alone in the carpark, her heart was occupied with gazillion things, reflecting from where she started and where she is standing now. She walked towards her car then her eyes caught a glimpse of a comrade.

“Assalamualaykum.” She smiled and hugged her. Suddenly, the vibe became different. She looked closer to the girl, tears filling up in her eyes.

“What.. happened?”

“Listen, Sakeenah, I seriously want to give up. I am telling you. I seriously am and will give up.”

Sakeenah froze. That is exactly what she was feeling but this girl is feeling it more than her, and no way is she going to reciprocate with how she feels. She needed encouragement and support, not someone who will encourage her feeling down. Sakeenah hugged her in silence. Not the best to console people but she will do her best.

“You’ve come so far. This is just the beginning, inshaa Allah it’ll be easier in the future. Being a doctor is not that ooh-la-la but it teaches us lessons no other professions can.”

The girl wiped her tears. “I’ll give myself to complete this posting first, and we shall see how it goes?” Sakeenah nodded, and doing the fist sign indicating “Let’s work our best, bismillah”

Alhamdulillahi rabbal alameen. This girl she met two years ago is now one of the most excellent intern in the state hospital. Alhamdulillah.🙂

t=The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him):

اللهم اغفر لي ما قدمت وما أخرت، وما أسررت وما أعلنت، وما أنت أعلم به مني، أنت المقدم وأنت المؤخر، لا إله إلا أنت

“O Allah! Forgive my past and future sins and whatever I have done in secret, and whatever I have done in public, and what You are more knowledgeable of than I. You are The One Who brings forward and Who delays, there is no deity worthy of worship but You”.

(Muslim)

It’s ‘funny’ how Allah awj arranges things, meaning, it’s perfect in ways we can never imagine. Most of the times she felt at the lowest levels, Allah awj Always showed her ‘directly’ the lowest levels of other people, to tell her, “Others are tested much more, what is there for you to complain?”

What she has learnt – true friendship, for the girl she met was the best of her companions and certainly a comrade for her to seek in Jannatulfirdaus inshaa Allah. A comrade who bring out the best in her, and was taught her on being truthfully honest with people around. Alhamdulillah wa astaghfirullah.

Repentance – Never delay repentance to Allah awj for you never know when your time is up. Death never has preferences for age and in what situation will be our starting time to meeting The One Who Creates us. Thus, repent everytime the minds remember- when Allah awj Gives us the chance to remember.

Be Kind – Be kind, for seriously, you never know the battles others are fighting about. Being a junior doctor herself, she has raised her voice in some unavoidable situations and she did threw some temper in front of patients which, she never should be (astaghfirullah😦 ) But as days passed by, you learn to be more patient, for patience is not produced in one day. It’s built up in the heart and stay steadily, to be patient sincerely.

 

The Prophet ﷺ ((peace be upon him)shows us some ways that Allah shows His love:

“When Allah loves someone he calls to Jibreel ‘alayhi salatu wassalam (pay Allah be pleased with him) saying, ‘O Jibreel, I love such and such a person, so love him.’ Then Jibreel will call to the angels of the heavens, ‘Allah loves such and such a person so love him.’ And the angels will love [that person]. And then Allah will place acceptance on earth for that believer.”

(Bukhari and Muslim)

Vent Out the Correct Way – Cry, Complain, releasing stresses- these are not prohibited, but do it the correct way. The One that never disappoints, yet Always Keen to hear from us – Allah awj. Complain, cry and release our stresses to Him awj first and foremost. It’s funny why we are proned to tell human beings first when we know well that they never can help us out. But for Allah awj, Who Listens Always, He Grants us an indescribable bliss and calmness when we seek him first and foremostly when tested. For Allah awj Is the One who sends us the test, thus He knows best if we are able to cope with it or not (which we are capable) and Only in Him are the keys to these tests, thus seek Him first, then if needed we ask for people’s help. For me, I find the uttermost calmness especially with conversations with Allah awj in the later two third of the night, when the other inhabitants of earth are deep in their slumbers. The best of ‘dates’. SubhanAllah, Allahuakbar, the tranquillity felt is pretty amazing…

“Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of understanding. Who remember Allah while standing or sitting or [lying] on their sides and give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying], ‘Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly; exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the punishment of the Fire.’”

[Qur’an, 3:190-191]

Duaa- Never forsake a second when you’re walking along the paths in the hospitals or in your transport towards or back from work. Duaas are dedicated especially for the best times to make duaa which are taught to us , moments when duaas are mu’ajabah (easily granted). But, it should not only be done during those times, but should be done always whenever we remember. Make duaa for yourself, make duaa for others a lot. When passing by people who make you think, make duaa for them. When seeing someone going through death, make duaa for them. When seeing a baby born, make duaa for them. Duaas, the best gift you can give to a person without any single cent spent. So, keep making duaas. Sincerely, with all  your heart.

Moving on to the next wonderful chapter soon inshaa Allah – Surgery.

Make duaa for me hee, I’ve exams coming up next week inshaa Allah.

Jazakum Allahukhayr for dropping by,  Allah Knows Best.

Amatullah.

All That’s Left Behind……

All That’s Left Behind……

The tests and challenges of life are numerous, with everybreath, every morsel of food, every drop of a drink and with every passing second of sleep, we  may not always fully realize that every action we take is indeed, a test from Allah. He is testing our intention, sincerity and willingness to bear with patience just as those righteous servants in the times before us did.

To show that even if we take the right action, Allah (swt) will test our sincerity , patience and perseverance with that action. Im just going to focus on one example….

This example is set at a time when a young legend was making his mark on the world. The soldiers were ordered to march forth and stop the enemy. They did, they intended to go out and destroy what was evil and protect what was good. Just like many of us who have noble intentions at the start.

But then the order came, not to drink from a river. But the march across lands, carrying weapons and armour was much to bare. They gave into to that inner whisper, to the inner craving desire for this world. They drink from the river and it was their downfall. They could not go on to complete their deed and reap the reward that follows.

“And when Saul set out with the army, he said: Lo! Allah will try you by (the ordeal of) a river. Whosoever therefore drinketh thereof he is not of me, and whosoever tasteth it not he is of me, save him who taketh (thereof) in the hollow of his hand. But they drank thereof, all save a few of them. And after he had crossed (the river), he and those who believed with him, they said: We have no power this day against Goliath and his hosts. But those who knew that they would meet Allah exclaimed: How many a little company hath overcome a mighty host by Allah’s leave! Allah is with the steadfast.”  ( Surah Al Baqarh :249)

Lesson Allah will always test you, even if you are doing something good. Recognise and understand this is all a test the dawah work and the hardships that accompany the struggle in his path.

These men already left their house, wives, children. Yet they still fell, what was felt were the real gems. This hardship was like a filtering process to see which ones would remain and follow allahs commandments.

Everyone falls short and makes mistakes. Anyone can give a fancy sermon, talk and act well when no pressure is on them or at times of ease. But once out there, in the middle of battle, with things at stake, then to be tested with a trial. This is where you can tell where your real eman is.

One of the heroes that remained was young man, most likely in his teens, called Dawud, or later grew to be a Prophet who was given many gifts from Allah and voice that could attract the hearts of nature. This young man held firm and was with those few mentioned who stood firm and bore with patience.

We will go through many trials in our life time, a mother may lose a child at birth, father may lose his job, child may fail an exam, or flip the switch, some one may excel in exams, may have many kids in this life. So where is the test? Allah will test our character, your pride and arrogance or will you attribute success to Him and thank Him for all that he has blessed you with.

The key lies in the strength and resolve of your heart and to transform that into outward action and compliance with what Allah wants.

As the verse end, many muslims use to say that during the battles at the time of Khalid bin walid……”how many times did a small force overcome a large force”.

Why? This small force was made up of those who, like dawudalayhissalam, stood firm in the face of trials, following Allahs commandments, sacrificing worldly pleasure for His sake. Knowing that Allah is the one who rewards the believers and how  many times does Allah say, “he loves those who are patient” “he is with those who are patient” . These were people of real inner quality, true inner strength and faith.

This religion never required a large force to move the world, just a group of sincere dedicated muslims.

The question is…….who are we? Would we be one of them? Or just another number.

And Allah knows best.

[An article from my  Abdullah…  May we gain benefit from it inshaa Allah.]

Puzzle Saw Jig

Assalamualaykum wr wbt.

Rendering

She closed the doors, finished with the resits. ‘Alhamdulillah ya Rabb, there is still a chance to resit. No resits for this dunya though subhanAllah.’ She thought silently as she wore back her coat and put on her stethoscope. It has been a long day. And that made the fasting last shorter when she becomes immersed in her work, but that made her more optimist- the duaas of the fasting ones are amongst the easy to be granted ones inshAllah.

“Daydreaming, Dr!” A chirpy voice welcomed her in the midst of the buzzing corridors. Maryam turned and smiled.

“Nope! I’m reflecting!” Maryam smiled as she came nearer to the young vibrant woman walking energetically to the ICU on the second floor.

“Where are you heading to?”

“ICU, Dr!”

“What for? Who’s there?”

“Umar.. I’m picking him home now.” Maryam’s steps stopped as the woman’s eyes started to fill with tears.

“He’s discharged already? For what sickness? The last time I met him, he was okay.”

“Yes, Dr. He is discharged already. From this world. For good. And inshAllah, he’s okay now. Forever.”

The heart stopped. For many deaths she has heard, this was something she could not respond well too. Slowly before she became more upset than the mother, she walked to her and gave one of the most silent hugs she has shared.

What should be said at times of calamity?Umm Salama, the wife of the Messenger of Allah (saws), reported Allah’s Messenger (saws) as saying:If any servant (of Allah) who suffers a calamity says: “We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it,” (Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji`un. Allahumma ajurni fi musibati, wa akhlif li khayran minha) Allah will give him reward for affliction, and would give him something better than it in exchange. She (Umm Salama) said: When Abu Salama died. I uttered (these very words) as I was commanded (to do) by the Messenger of Allah (saws). So Allah gave me better in exchange than him. i. e. (I was taken as the wife of) the Messenger of Allah (saws).Reference: Sahih Muslim 918 bIn-book reference: Book 11, Hadith 5http://sunnah.com/muslim/11/5

Children, kids, buzzers, noisers, cryers. Whatever noun you used upon them, they are still the same. Running around, crying out loud, chatting non stop. One of the things she was starting to used to. Surely, a total different environment from the screaming mothers undergoing delivery, but, this was completely a different world. And the best places she loved ‘hanging’ out was in the Paediatrics Intensive Care Unit. For only Allah Knows how much she loved that place. In the same corner a 4months old child is fighting for his life, the beautiful recitation of Quran can be heard from the CD player nearby.

It’s a totally different ambience. Here, she’s able to observe how the process of dying is being experienced by babies. Never in her life she has seen this, but subhanAllah. Indeed, it’s intriguing. It’s true, someone crying is a heart breaking scene. But the most shattering moments are when a mother cries.

chin

“Doctor, is she going to be fine?”
“Doctor, can you guarantee me that he will be perfectly okay?”
“Doctor, is this the best treatment?”
“Doctor, what is the best brand for my child?”
“Doctor, please take care of him very well.”
“Doctor, my baby’s crying too much.”

And more questions which reflects the deepest worries of a mother. She would just smile and even though in the heart, “Ya Allah!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously don’t know what to answer!” She puts her hands on the mothers’ and nodded. “Everything is in Allah’s Hands, so inshAllah anything that happens, it’ll be the best for us. We as doctors try and give our best, we plan, but Allah’s Plans are the best.” Truthfully, that’s the only thing she felt confident and truthful about. Nothing more nothing less. It’s when the reliance is put upon the One which Knows Most that the heart feels at ease. Truthfully. The simple hugs, gentle gestures and slight nods could mean a lot to a worrying mother- that’s one thing she learnt.

“You’ll never know until you become one yourself.” A sahabat patted her shoulder and whispered to her as they underwent another roll of dramas coming to life.

“Make things easy and convenient and do not make them harsh and difficult. Give cheer and glad tidings and do not create hatred.” Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him)

[Bukhari]

Listen to Understand.  

“Doctor, there’s a new case in the ED.”

Adam smiled and collected his notes. He reached the ED, a totally expected ambience. Too many admissions awaiting to be warded. And he knew that there would be more. His oncalls were a nightmare last night, and he was still trying his best to recover that day. He walked towards an anxious looking couple who looked at him as if they were waiting to pounce on him.

“Bismillah.”

“Assalamualaykum, Amsyar and parents? I’m Dr Adam, I would llike to ask you some questions will it be okay?”

“Doctor, this has been a long 2 hours I’ve been waiting for doctors to attend my child, but none could be found!!!” The father started to give out as the mother nodded in agree.

“I thought you doctors should be concern about the ill people here. You should not delay and you know, ensure that your patients get the best service!” The mother added.

Adam flipped the clerking notes done by the ED team. Viral Pneumonia. Alright, bismillah. After such a long day, an argument with patient’s parents are the least in his head. To argue that he just had a fight with his siblings,  about his wife who is already due for her pregnancy and he is worried about her, about his own 4 year old girl who is sick with 4 days of high grade fever, and his side business which is not doing good. If only. If only. He smiled the widest possible, and ask Allah awj a lot – of sincerity in making this worthwhile.

“Like, what if suddenly, Allah awj took our lives in that only moment when we felt so insincere. Right? I mean, isn’t that soo wasteful?”

“True. Then, is there any reverse or turning backs then?”

“Nooo. You can’t. Like how are you to reverse if you already going into the hole?”

“Yes, you can reverse that fall right Abi? But you can avoid from falling into another hole!”

Adam chuckled. Nodding his head in agreement.

“So Abi, like how do you actually know that you are sincere then?”

“Hrm…” Adam acted as if he was thinking hard as he scratched his beard.

“Abi, I think I know.” Safiyya smiled. She climbed onto her father’s lap and slowly fiddled with his father’s beard.

“Go on, bismillah.”

“It’s when you don’t feel uneasy in here.” Safiyya pointed at Adam’s chest and gave the most innocent smiles. Literally melted her father’s heart.

“You sure… grow up so fast, little lady!”

“Allahuakbar!” Safiyya giggled as his father carried her to get her favourite tub of ice cream.

“What would you do then.. if you still don’t feel sincere?”

“Hrm. What if you really need a ticket to Jannah and you can’t find it in the house?”

“I’ll look it outside until I get it!”

“Same in here too, dear. Same too.. I’ll keep hunting for Ms Sincere to fill my heart!”

“Like how Ummi did? She filled up your heart too? “

The room was filled with their cheerful glee of joy as Adam nodded agreeingly.

safina5:</p><br /><br />
<p>http://instagram.com/safina5x

Puzzle Saw Jig

36 more days to Ramadhan. Looking very forward to the blessed month of sacrifice, joy and indescribable happiness. Looking forward to the smiles of forgiveness of human beings and the widest skies of Forgiveness from Al Malik. Looking forward to the recitations of imams which fills in the mosques as I scurry from nurseries to labs and vice versa. Looking forward to the merriments of the gatherings of dearest sahabats & jannahgang. So looking forward to many many things happening soon.

She met the most amazing people in the past months. And many thoughts stumbled into her mind every time immersed in conversations with them. To many, they maybe just simple people but when communicating with them, she was able to collect some rare pearls of advices for life, for death. An advice in the hecticity of the ward work is a huge valuable coral reef for her. She learnt to appreciate more in smaller things. Especially in the paediatrics department. Sometimes, there are so much happiness in being kids. Their hearts are smaller than adults, but the width of forgiveness which expands in their cardiac cells ya Rabb, they are so forgiving. They fall so many times yet- they never blamed the pavements but they cry it off, and again they run again.

Dua for patience</p><br /><br />
<p>Our Lord, pour upon us patience and let us die as Muslims [in submission to You]. Quran 7:126</p><br /><br />
<p>Rabbana afrigh ‘alayna sabran wa tawaffana Muslimeen</p><br /><br />
<p>رَبَّنَا أَفْرِغْ عَلَيْنَا صَبْرًا وَتَوَفَّنَا مُسْلِمِينَ

As she walked and passed by a group of laughing colleagues, she’ll think “Ya Allah, Bless my sahabats whom have shaped me, who always made duaa for me, grant them happiness in whatever they do. If they are sad, please lift their burdens and put them on me for all I can bear. And if they are suffering, please lighten their sufferings ya Rabb, and make them closer to you with every tests they are handling through.”

As she walked pass an old man pushing an old woman in a wheelchair, she slowly monologued, “Ya Rabb, please… Make my spouse to love me like how this uncle loves his wife. Grant him a lot of patience and love for me even if I grow all wrinkled up and I walk too slow. Grant him a lot of happiness although I might be sad on some unexpected days. Grant him and me strength so that we don’t easily give up on one another, and we always try to Please only You for Your Sake ya Rabb.”

As she ate whilst walking and saw a man in his 40s carrying his 4 year old daughter with the brightest smiles on his face, “Ya Allah. Indeed, parents are the most beloved people since we were all born until we meet them back again in Jannah inshAllah. Ya Allah, nothing can ever repay for what ever they have done for us. Please ya Allah Please forgive me for all my wrongdoings and please widen up their hearts to forgive mine. And Ya Rabb, wherever they may be, please Grant all their duaas and Love them Care for them like how they shower us endlessly with love and care since we were born.”

And in a day, it was filled with duaas, and hopes. For everytime she met sick people she knew well, that Allah awj is Always with them, so no matter how exhaustive and how frustrating times may be, she always reminded herself of a hadith,

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ يَقُولُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ مَرِضْتُ فَلَمْ تَعُدْنِي قَالَ يَا رَبِّ كَيْفَ أَعُودُكَ وَأَنْتَ رَبُّ الْعَالَمِينَ قَالَ أَمَا عَلِمْتَ أَنَّ عَبْدِي فُلَانًا مَرِضَ فَلَمْ تَعُدْهُ أَمَا عَلِمْتَ أَنَّكَ لَوْ عُدْتَهُ لَوَجَدْتَنِي عِنْدَهُ يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ اسْتَطْعَمْتُكَ فَلَمْ تُطْعِمْنِي قَالَ يَا رَبِّ وَكَيْفَ أُطْعِمُكَ وَأَنْتَ رَبُّ الْعَالَمِينَ قَالَ أَمَا عَلِمْتَ أَنَّهُ اسْتَطْعَمَكَ عَبْدِي فُلَانٌ فَلَمْ تُطْعِمْهُ أَمَا عَلِمْتَ أَنَّكَ لَوْ أَطْعَمْتَهُ لَوَجَدْتَ ذَلِكَ عِنْدِي يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ اسْتَسْقَيْتُكَ فَلَمْ تَسْقِنِي قَالَ يَا رَبِّ كَيْفَ أَسْقِيكَ وَأَنْتَ رَبُّ الْعَالَمِينَ قَالَ اسْتَسْقَاكَ عَبْدِي فُلَانٌ فَلَمْ تَسْقِهِ أَمَا إِنَّكَ لَوْ سَقَيْتَهُ وَجَدْتَ ذَلِكَ عِنْدِي

Allah the Exalted will say on the Day of Resurrection: O son of Adam, I was sick but you did not visit me. He will say: O my Lord, how can I visit you when you are the Lord of the worlds? Allah will say: Did you not know that my servant was sick and you did not visit him, and had you visited him you would have found me with him? O son of Adam, I asked you for food but you did not feed me. He will say: My Lord, how can I feed you when you are the Lord of the worlds? Allah will say: Did you not know that my servant asked you for food but you did not feed him, and had you fed him you would have found me with him? O son of Adam, I asked you for drink but you did not provide for me. He will say: My Lord, how can I give you drink when you are the Lord of the worlds? Allah will say: My servant asked you for a drink but you did not provide for him, and had you given it to him you would have found me with him.

Source: Sahih Muslim 2569

awkwardmuslim:</p><br /><br />
<p>Say, “If the sea were ink for [writing] the words of my Lord, the sea would be exhausted before the words of my Lord were exhausted, even if We brought the like of it as a supplement.”<br /><br /><br />
~ Surat Al-Kahf, Verse 109

Adam took out his notebook and started writing, to the person who never replied his messages for so long,

To dearest Abdul Jabbar who maybe reading this, 

Isn’t it time, for us to rebuild those lost connection. To widen our hearts and forgive one another? And I never gave up in our bond yet. Never thought of it and never will, for it was built for His Sake. Only His Sake. 

Allahua’lam