Assalamualaykum wr wbt.
[Moses] said, “No! Indeed, with me is my Lord; He will guide me.”
Wrap Up, Now Next.
Bismillah. She read the ayah again. Inna ma’iya rabbi sayahdin. She closed her eyes forcefully feeling warmth on both cheeks. How unpredictable the malicious palpitations result into a haywired conduct of her body functions, she still tried remained calm. She scrolled her messages, found the audio note she was looking for. The subtle calmness she heard in the voice soothe everything and put places into a perspective. The longing perspective of an ‘amatullah’ the one to serve only One azza wa jalla.
“Ya hayaty, remember that only those with syaja’ah, ya’ni courage has the ability to transform wishes into reality. For Allah azza wa jalla Never abandons His slaves, moreover those who knew the haq and are willing, are courage to move every step towards Him azza wa jalla.”
Sakeenah paused the audio, carefully trying to digest the words. Where are you? She missed tremendously the audio-er who was still not yet to be seen, not yet to be heard. Allahummaghfirlana. Ya Allah, Forgive us.
Sakeenah looked at the young man sitting in front of her, eyes glaring a midst of the confused face.
“You know, you know.. that particular feeling, where your heart feels so crushed inside you, but, but at the same time it’s racing and it’s not congruent. It just does how it feel, and the whole body is in between… between of shutting down and also to restart. You know?”
Sakeenah nodded, and mumbled under her breath, “I know exactly what you mean…”
“What what what? Did you say something? Anything?”
Sakeenah looked at him and nodded and smiled forced. She wondered, may Allah Grant her reward her for being sincere in being forced. She was confused.
“So, any times you feel like you don’t want to wake up tomorrow sir?”
He paused, rolled his sleeves and started to tap on his thigh. Nurse Lim came in and placed a tray of medications on his table. She smiled at Sakeenah who was half collapsing in her white coat. Sakeenah smiled back full heartedly, indeed Nurse Lim has helped her a lot throughout the rotation in the Psychiatry department, and her warm smiles just light up her days. Which are stressful, and that happens daily.
“I do, at times, when my wife stops loving me.” He looked at her, with a sad face, trying to make her sympathize with him.
“How. In the earth would she be happy with you when you yourself decided not to love her.” She said like that, all in her heart. She checked her watch, 6.00pm exactly, she wrapped up the conversation and said goodbye. She had another important appointment to attend to.
It has been a week she has been trying to get the man to talk, and for today, she could get a geist of what differential diagnosis could be given.
Allah Is With Us
Abdullah drove his car up the hill, eyes searching for some empty parking lots. More of, he was looking for the blue Suzuki Swift, the partner of his car. He found it and all thanks to Allah, he found an empty lot next to it. He parked the car, gazed inside the blue car, and as expected, a bit messy. With the white coat thrown at the back seat, and a half empty box of chocolates at the back too. He smiled, and wrote a note “CYC please” and placed it on to the wiper. He started to jog up the hill, following his instincts to their special spot. The park semi hill was quite packed despite a weekday and he found his wife sitting on the edge of the hill, with her work clothes. Observing the greenery, with the usual post work stressful face.
She saw him and smiled, “Waalaykumsalam warahmatullah grandpa!”
Abdullah sat next to her joining in sighting the view. “Why here?”
“Because our usual hangout place is boring?” She smiled again. Some chuckles were heard at the back and it was some teenagers messing around one another as they were going down the hill.
“Any interesting stories to share?”
“Apart from your stressful-always-but-cute-wife, a 42 year old male patient who’s now in the ward because he abandoned his wife.”
Abdullah raised his brows. “Very interesting. Abandonment which made him the victim, explain more?”
“He fell in love with drugs and alcohol, finding the wife not as interesting as them. And now unknown cause of bipolar disorder. More of depression I guess.”
“When love is not in sync with what Allah awj has Ordained, all things start to fall apart right?”
Sakeenah nodded smiling at her other half.
“I’m finishing As Syuara with the guys. Bumped on to a very interesting conversation. A beautiful ayah which entails the speech of Prophet Musa a.s.”
Sakeenah looked at Abdullah excitedly. “No way, let me guess!”
“A’udzubillahi minasy syaitanirrajeem, Bismillahirrahmanirrahim, Inna ma’iya rabbi sayahdin.”
“The sense when I tell you, that I will always be with you, Will always be there for you, how would you feel?”
“Calm. Like relieved because there is someone to be there with me.” Sakeenah replied.
“Agree a hundred per cent. Just imagine Allah azza wa jalla Saying that to us. Promising us, that He azza wa jalla Will Always be with us.. In times of difficulty, in times of ease. In times of worriness, in times of sadnees. In times when we remember Him.. In times we forgot him subhanAllah. Allah Is Always with us. Same as ‘InnAllaha ma’assabireen.” Indeed, Allah azza wa jalla is with those who are patient. With that struggle of patience, Allah azza wa jalla Grants us that sakeenah, a promise by Him Himself, that He azza wa jalla Will be with us.”
Sakeenah felt that crunch in her heart, that hazy wazy in her chest and unrhythmic palpitations- gone in a second.
“May Allah Reward you Grandpa!” Sakeenah smiled.
“Let’s head home, the sunset there is nearly finished, I’ve got Surah Baqarah to finish for Maghrib prayer today.”
Sakeenah looked at him astonishingly.
“Why, you surprised? And feel proud to have such cool husband like me? “
“Alhamdulillah…. Hrm….. just….just can we have a sixteenth of Baqarah please, maybe 3 pages, maybe please…. because…. because…. I had on calls yesterday, didn’t sleep, and I don’t want to sleep in my sujoods…. Heee….. ” She looked at him cheekily with a made-up super exhausted face.
“Deal, only if you cook…” Abdullah chuckled as they made way to their cars.
An Enigma of Happiness
‘Um Salamah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said,
‘The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam used to repeatedly say this supplication,
“O Controller of the hearts! Make my heart steadfast upon Your religion”
so I asked him, ‘O Prophet of Allaah! Do hearts fluctuate?’ He said,
“Yes, all mankind’s hearts are between two of the fingers of Allaah. If Allaah wills He maintains a man’s steadfastness, and if He wills He deviates him”
(Ahmad & Tirmithi)
Alhamdulillah, done with my interviews, now awaiting the induction letter to kickstart work, yours faithfully and truthfully amatullah. I bumped into some punching stories of life, of how it seems beautiful and wonderful a marriage could be, could have so many stories hidden. Yeap, I’m that age which I can categorize of being old *cough* yetstillnotthatwiseatall. May Allah Forgive me, and us all, ameen. There are so many lessons to be learnt, to checklist, to tick off, to kick in to kick off. But at the end of every story, lies a very strong common ground. That Allah azza wa jalla Has the best plans laid out for each and every one of us. And that includes every cell of the body be it living or dead. For every single thing be it a planning or a resolution derived from anything, make sure that everything returns to Allah azza wa jalla.
True indeed why hearts can change, because it does locate in our body, but indeed Allah azza wa jalla is the one who Holds our hearts. And our beloved Prophet s.a.w mentioned, ““Yes, all mankind’s hearts are between two of the fingers of Allaah. If Allaah wills He maintains a man’s steadfastness, and if He wills He deviates him” – it is by Allah’s WIll that the heart deviates to steadfastness or deviation. Allahua’lam, He Knows Best, and we don’t.
The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said: “Take good care of women, for they were created from a bent rib, and the most curved part of it is its top; if you try to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain arched, so take good care of women.”
(Bukhaari & Muslim).
SubhanAllah. The spoilt me is merely surviving from a tiny burn on my hand, and the healing process is taking ages- it’s there to remind me so much about an nar ya Allah😦 Burning is painful, repetitively burning, I’ve no words to say. May Allah Make all our ailments as a way to expedite our sins insh’Allah. And please don’t forget our akhwatee in our duaas.
“And rely upon the Ever-Living who does not die, and exalt [ Allah ] with His praise. And sufficient is He to be, with the sins of His servants, Acquainted “
[Al Quran, Surah Al Furqan, 25:58]