Assalamualaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh.
May Allah awj Bless all reading this with endless blessings. And endless love and mercy. May Allah awj Ease all difficulties you’re undergoing now and present, and may Allah awj Grant infinite patience in all trials and gratefulness in all blessings.
Where have I been? Alhamdulillah going through a new phase of life in this dunya and inshaa Allah a new chapter beyond jannah inshaa Allah. Allah awj Has Granted us sure lots to even think about, and alhamdulillah for me a wonderful other half of me, whom is always near the heart despite far in the eyes. May Allah awj Bless you always, dear. And buzzed with my final posting in my two years internship- an exhilarating journey indeed, I’m given the amanah to excel in anaesthesiology, completed 3 months alhamdulillah, now another one to go. What exactly are my feelings? Mixed with the extremes of feelings. SubhanAllah, could write a book on what my colleagues and me went through. A wonderous yet painful journey to sum up. But never in a milisecond of my internship have I regretted, despite feeling numerous times to give up. There are so many things to tell and share, inshaa Allah, I’ll break it down in a few blog posts, for those who are willing to read my long writes. *missing this vaiopianoish feeling 😉 *
Alhamdulillah the total postings I’ve been through were Medicine, Orthopaedics, Surgery, Obstetrics and Gynaecology, Paediatrics and Anaesthesiology. And through these toughest times of my entire life, I learnt the most of myself, my strengths, weaknesses, uppers and lowers. I met the most amazing people in my life, and also those who really tested my highest levels of patience. I cried most in these two years compared to the past 25 years I have lived. And 99% of these happening around me, was with the power of Al Malik awj and my amazing colleagues, whom I will always remember biidhnillah. Typing this off, indeed is an emotional moment. Ya Allah, Please Ease.
She looked around. Third day of life, and nurses were shouting – “Pt LO!” And her thinking panickingly what in the world is LO??? She turned to her senior colleagues who straight away stopped what they were doing and went to Room 6 where the nurses gathered. She walked meekly towards the room, legs wanting to help but mind was not exactly sure what to do. Sandeep a 1 week older colleague than her smiled, “Don’t worry, this happens like every 2 days, you just have to relax. How you feel now, I’ve been through it. And it will make sense sooner or later.” His words were assuring, bringing a sense of ‘it’s okay if you have no clue what to do even you are a so called doctor’. She just smiled forcefully in reply, seriously have no idea how to react. She watched by the side. Raj, another senior colleague looked at her as they were trying to insert the canullas in the collapsed 34 year old gentleman on the bed. CPR was commenced whilst others were busy helping out, except herself. She looked at them blankly, seriously trying to digest what was happening. What is happening to him? What can I do? How should I help? What needs to be done first. Oh no they did that so now what? “ECG!” Raj half shouting to her who was still blank. One of the nurses pushed the ECG machine and passed on too her the leads. She looked at Raj and leaned slowly to whisper to him. “Hrm.. I don’t know how to do this…” “What????!!!” He shouted back looking at her with disgust. Shaken by the reply look, she quickly started putting on the leads with the guide of Sandeep. “Learn quick.” “This is how you do things.” “Don’t just be a blanko.” “Is this the normal level of your IQ?” All these comments were just a beginning. Heart was shattered daily. Due to lack of knowledge and experience, she woke up at 5am went to work at 5.30am, prayed fajr at hospital and started reviewing patients at 6am. Worked supposedly start at 7am and ends at 6pm, but for the first two months, no way she could go home at 6pm. Earliest was 10pm, and that if it was an okay day. If not, 11pm. Back home at midnight, woke at 5am and the cycle repeated. Does she feel exhausted? Yes she does and a few times she felt like she wanted to collapse and CPR be commenced on her as well.
“He is Allah, other than whom there is no deity, the Sovereign, the Pure, the Perfection, theBestower of Faith, the Overseer (al-Muhaymin), the Exalted in Might, the Compeller, the Superior.Exalted is Allah above whatever they associate with Him.”
10.30pm she was walking alone in the carpark, her heart was occupied with gazillion things, reflecting from where she started and where she is standing now. She walked towards her car then her eyes caught a glimpse of a comrade.
“Assalamualaykum.” She smiled and hugged her. Suddenly, the vibe became different. She looked closer to the girl, tears filling up in her eyes.
“Listen, Sakeenah, I seriously want to give up. I am telling you. I seriously am and will give up.”
Sakeenah froze. That is exactly what she was feeling but this girl is feeling it more than her, and no way is she going to reciprocate with how she feels. She needed encouragement and support, not someone who will encourage her feeling down. Sakeenah hugged her in silence. Not the best to console people but she will do her best.
“You’ve come so far. This is just the beginning, inshaa Allah it’ll be easier in the future. Being a doctor is not that ooh-la-la but it teaches us lessons no other professions can.”
The girl wiped her tears. “I’ll give myself to complete this posting first, and we shall see how it goes?” Sakeenah nodded, and doing the fist sign indicating “Let’s work our best, bismillah”
Alhamdulillahi rabbal alameen. This girl she met two years ago is now one of the most excellent intern in the state hospital. Alhamdulillah. 🙂
t=The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him):
اللهم اغفر لي ما قدمت وما أخرت، وما أسررت وما أعلنت، وما أنت أعلم به مني، أنت المقدم وأنت المؤخر، لا إله إلا أنت
“O Allah! Forgive my past and future sins and whatever I have done in secret, and whatever I have done in public, and what You are more knowledgeable of than I. You are The One Who brings forward and Who delays, there is no deity worthy of worship but You”.
It’s ‘funny’ how Allah awj arranges things, meaning, it’s perfect in ways we can never imagine. Most of the times she felt at the lowest levels, Allah awj Always showed her ‘directly’ the lowest levels of other people, to tell her, “Others are tested much more, what is there for you to complain?”
What she has learnt – true friendship, for the girl she met was the best of her companions and certainly a comrade for her to seek in Jannatulfirdaus inshaa Allah. A comrade who bring out the best in her, and was taught her on being truthfully honest with people around. Alhamdulillah wa astaghfirullah.
Repentance – Never delay repentance to Allah awj for you never know when your time is up. Death never has preferences for age and in what situation will be our starting time to meeting The One Who Creates us. Thus, repent everytime the minds remember- when Allah awj Gives us the chance to remember.
Be Kind – Be kind, for seriously, you never know the battles others are fighting about. Being a junior doctor herself, she has raised her voice in some unavoidable situations and she did threw some temper in front of patients which, she never should be (astaghfirullah 😦 ) But as days passed by, you learn to be more patient, for patience is not produced in one day. It’s built up in the heart and stay steadily, to be patient sincerely.
The Prophet ﷺ ((peace be upon him)shows us some ways that Allah shows His love:
“When Allah loves someone he calls to Jibreel ‘alayhi salatu wassalam (pay Allah be pleased with him) saying, ‘O Jibreel, I love such and such a person, so love him.’ Then Jibreel will call to the angels of the heavens, ‘Allah loves such and such a person so love him.’ And the angels will love [that person]. And then Allah will place acceptance on earth for that believer.”
(Bukhari and Muslim)
Vent Out the Correct Way – Cry, Complain, releasing stresses- these are not prohibited, but do it the correct way. The One that never disappoints, yet Always Keen to hear from us – Allah awj. Complain, cry and release our stresses to Him awj first and foremost. It’s funny why we are proned to tell human beings first when we know well that they never can help us out. But for Allah awj, Who Listens Always, He Grants us an indescribable bliss and calmness when we seek him first and foremostly when tested. For Allah awj Is the One who sends us the test, thus He knows best if we are able to cope with it or not (which we are capable) and Only in Him are the keys to these tests, thus seek Him first, then if needed we ask for people’s help. For me, I find the uttermost calmness especially with conversations with Allah awj in the later two third of the night, when the other inhabitants of earth are deep in their slumbers. The best of ‘dates’. SubhanAllah, Allahuakbar, the tranquillity felt is pretty amazing…
“Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of understanding. Who remember Allah while standing or sitting or [lying] on their sides and give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying], ‘Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly; exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the punishment of the Fire.’”
Duaa- Never forsake a second when you’re walking along the paths in the hospitals or in your transport towards or back from work. Duaas are dedicated especially for the best times to make duaa which are taught to us , moments when duaas are mu’ajabah (easily granted). But, it should not only be done during those times, but should be done always whenever we remember. Make duaa for yourself, make duaa for others a lot. When passing by people who make you think, make duaa for them. When seeing someone going through death, make duaa for them. When seeing a baby born, make duaa for them. Duaas, the best gift you can give to a person without any single cent spent. So, keep making duaas. Sincerely, with all your heart.
Moving on to the next wonderful chapter soon inshaa Allah – Surgery.
Make duaa for me hee, I’ve exams coming up next week inshaa Allah.
Jazakum Allahukhayr for dropping by, Allah Knows Best.