Assalamualaykum wr wbt.
She closed the doors, finished with the resits. ‘Alhamdulillah ya Rabb, there is still a chance to resit. No resits for this dunya though subhanAllah.’ She thought silently as she wore back her coat and put on her stethoscope. It has been a long day. And that made the fasting last shorter when she becomes immersed in her work, but that made her more optimist- the duaas of the fasting ones are amongst the easy to be granted ones inshAllah.
“Daydreaming, Dr!” A chirpy voice welcomed her in the midst of the buzzing corridors. Maryam turned and smiled.
“Nope! I’m reflecting!” Maryam smiled as she came nearer to the young vibrant woman walking energetically to the ICU on the second floor.
“Where are you heading to?”
“What for? Who’s there?”
“Umar.. I’m picking him home now.” Maryam’s steps stopped as the woman’s eyes started to fill with tears.
“He’s discharged already? For what sickness? The last time I met him, he was okay.”
“Yes, Dr. He is discharged already. From this world. For good. And inshAllah, he’s okay now. Forever.”
The heart stopped. For many deaths she has heard, this was something she could not respond well too. Slowly before she became more upset than the mother, she walked to her and gave one of the most silent hugs she has shared.
Children, kids, buzzers, noisers, cryers. Whatever noun you used upon them, they are still the same. Running around, crying out loud, chatting non stop. One of the things she was starting to used to. Surely, a total different environment from the screaming mothers undergoing delivery, but, this was completely a different world. And the best places she loved ‘hanging’ out was in the Paediatrics Intensive Care Unit. For only Allah Knows how much she loved that place. In the same corner a 4months old child is fighting for his life, the beautiful recitation of Quran can be heard from the CD player nearby.
It’s a totally different ambience. Here, she’s able to observe how the process of dying is being experienced by babies. Never in her life she has seen this, but subhanAllah. Indeed, it’s intriguing. It’s true, someone crying is a heart breaking scene. But the most shattering moments are when a mother cries.
“Doctor, is she going to be fine?”
“Doctor, can you guarantee me that he will be perfectly okay?”
“Doctor, is this the best treatment?”
“Doctor, what is the best brand for my child?”
“Doctor, please take care of him very well.”
“Doctor, my baby’s crying too much.”
And more questions which reflects the deepest worries of a mother. She would just smile and even though in the heart, “Ya Allah!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously don’t know what to answer!” She puts her hands on the mothers’ and nodded. “Everything is in Allah’s Hands, so inshAllah anything that happens, it’ll be the best for us. We as doctors try and give our best, we plan, but Allah’s Plans are the best.” Truthfully, that’s the only thing she felt confident and truthful about. Nothing more nothing less. It’s when the reliance is put upon the One which Knows Most that the heart feels at ease. Truthfully. The simple hugs, gentle gestures and slight nods could mean a lot to a worrying mother- that’s one thing she learnt.
“You’ll never know until you become one yourself.” A sahabat patted her shoulder and whispered to her as they underwent another roll of dramas coming to life.
“Make things easy and convenient and do not make them harsh and difficult. Give cheer and glad tidings and do not create hatred.” Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him)
Listen to Understand.
“Doctor, there’s a new case in the ED.”
Adam smiled and collected his notes. He reached the ED, a totally expected ambience. Too many admissions awaiting to be warded. And he knew that there would be more. His oncalls were a nightmare last night, and he was still trying his best to recover that day. He walked towards an anxious looking couple who looked at him as if they were waiting to pounce on him.
“Assalamualaykum, Amsyar and parents? I’m Dr Adam, I would llike to ask you some questions will it be okay?”
“Doctor, this has been a long 2 hours I’ve been waiting for doctors to attend my child, but none could be found!!!” The father started to give out as the mother nodded in agree.
“I thought you doctors should be concern about the ill people here. You should not delay and you know, ensure that your patients get the best service!” The mother added.
Adam flipped the clerking notes done by the ED team. Viral Pneumonia. Alright, bismillah. After such a long day, an argument with patient’s parents are the least in his head. To argue that he just had a fight with his siblings, about his wife who is already due for her pregnancy and he is worried about her, about his own 4 year old girl who is sick with 4 days of high grade fever, and his side business which is not doing good. If only. If only. He smiled the widest possible, and ask Allah awj a lot – of sincerity in making this worthwhile.
“Like, what if suddenly, Allah awj took our lives in that only moment when we felt so insincere. Right? I mean, isn’t that soo wasteful?”
“True. Then, is there any reverse or turning backs then?”
“Nooo. You can’t. Like how are you to reverse if you already going into the hole?”
“Yes, you can reverse that fall right Abi? But you can avoid from falling into another hole!”
Adam chuckled. Nodding his head in agreement.
“So Abi, like how do you actually know that you are sincere then?”
“Hrm…” Adam acted as if he was thinking hard as he scratched his beard.
“Abi, I think I know.” Safiyya smiled. She climbed onto her father’s lap and slowly fiddled with his father’s beard.
“Go on, bismillah.”
“It’s when you don’t feel uneasy in here.” Safiyya pointed at Adam’s chest and gave the most innocent smiles. Literally melted her father’s heart.
“You sure… grow up so fast, little lady!”
“Allahuakbar!” Safiyya giggled as his father carried her to get her favourite tub of ice cream.
“What would you do then.. if you still don’t feel sincere?”
“Hrm. What if you really need a ticket to Jannah and you can’t find it in the house?”
“I’ll look it outside until I get it!”
“Same in here too, dear. Same too.. I’ll keep hunting for Ms Sincere to fill my heart!”
“Like how Ummi did? She filled up your heart too? “
The room was filled with their cheerful glee of joy as Adam nodded agreeingly.
Puzzle Saw Jig
36 more days to Ramadhan. Looking very forward to the blessed month of sacrifice, joy and indescribable happiness. Looking forward to the smiles of forgiveness of human beings and the widest skies of Forgiveness from Al Malik. Looking forward to the recitations of imams which fills in the mosques as I scurry from nurseries to labs and vice versa. Looking forward to the merriments of the gatherings of dearest sahabats & jannahgang. So looking forward to many many things happening soon.
She met the most amazing people in the past months. And many thoughts stumbled into her mind every time immersed in conversations with them. To many, they maybe just simple people but when communicating with them, she was able to collect some rare pearls of advices for life, for death. An advice in the hecticity of the ward work is a huge valuable coral reef for her. She learnt to appreciate more in smaller things. Especially in the paediatrics department. Sometimes, there are so much happiness in being kids. Their hearts are smaller than adults, but the width of forgiveness which expands in their cardiac cells ya Rabb, they are so forgiving. They fall so many times yet- they never blamed the pavements but they cry it off, and again they run again.
As she walked and passed by a group of laughing colleagues, she’ll think “Ya Allah, Bless my sahabats whom have shaped me, who always made duaa for me, grant them happiness in whatever they do. If they are sad, please lift their burdens and put them on me for all I can bear. And if they are suffering, please lighten their sufferings ya Rabb, and make them closer to you with every tests they are handling through.”
As she walked pass an old man pushing an old woman in a wheelchair, she slowly monologued, “Ya Rabb, please… Make my spouse to love me like how this uncle loves his wife. Grant him a lot of patience and love for me even if I grow all wrinkled up and I walk too slow. Grant him a lot of happiness although I might be sad on some unexpected days. Grant him and me strength so that we don’t easily give up on one another, and we always try to Please only You for Your Sake ya Rabb.”
As she ate whilst walking and saw a man in his 40s carrying his 4 year old daughter with the brightest smiles on his face, “Ya Allah. Indeed, parents are the most beloved people since we were all born until we meet them back again in Jannah inshAllah. Ya Allah, nothing can ever repay for what ever they have done for us. Please ya Allah Please forgive me for all my wrongdoings and please widen up their hearts to forgive mine. And Ya Rabb, wherever they may be, please Grant all their duaas and Love them Care for them like how they shower us endlessly with love and care since we were born.”
And in a day, it was filled with duaas, and hopes. For everytime she met sick people she knew well, that Allah awj is Always with them, so no matter how exhaustive and how frustrating times may be, she always reminded herself of a hadith,
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ يَقُولُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ مَرِضْتُ فَلَمْ تَعُدْنِي قَالَ يَا رَبِّ كَيْفَ أَعُودُكَ وَأَنْتَ رَبُّ الْعَالَمِينَ قَالَ أَمَا عَلِمْتَ أَنَّ عَبْدِي فُلَانًا مَرِضَ فَلَمْ تَعُدْهُ أَمَا عَلِمْتَ أَنَّكَ لَوْ عُدْتَهُ لَوَجَدْتَنِي عِنْدَهُ يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ اسْتَطْعَمْتُكَ فَلَمْ تُطْعِمْنِي قَالَ يَا رَبِّ وَكَيْفَ أُطْعِمُكَ وَأَنْتَ رَبُّ الْعَالَمِينَ قَالَ أَمَا عَلِمْتَ أَنَّهُ اسْتَطْعَمَكَ عَبْدِي فُلَانٌ فَلَمْ تُطْعِمْهُ أَمَا عَلِمْتَ أَنَّكَ لَوْ أَطْعَمْتَهُ لَوَجَدْتَ ذَلِكَ عِنْدِي يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ اسْتَسْقَيْتُكَ فَلَمْ تَسْقِنِي قَالَ يَا رَبِّ كَيْفَ أَسْقِيكَ وَأَنْتَ رَبُّ الْعَالَمِينَ قَالَ اسْتَسْقَاكَ عَبْدِي فُلَانٌ فَلَمْ تَسْقِهِ أَمَا إِنَّكَ لَوْ سَقَيْتَهُ وَجَدْتَ ذَلِكَ عِنْدِي
Allah the Exalted will say on the Day of Resurrection: O son of Adam, I was sick but you did not visit me. He will say: O my Lord, how can I visit you when you are the Lord of the worlds? Allah will say: Did you not know that my servant was sick and you did not visit him, and had you visited him you would have found me with him? O son of Adam, I asked you for food but you did not feed me. He will say: My Lord, how can I feed you when you are the Lord of the worlds? Allah will say: Did you not know that my servant asked you for food but you did not feed him, and had you fed him you would have found me with him? O son of Adam, I asked you for drink but you did not provide for me. He will say: My Lord, how can I give you drink when you are the Lord of the worlds? Allah will say: My servant asked you for a drink but you did not provide for him, and had you given it to him you would have found me with him.
Source: Sahih Muslim 2569
Adam took out his notebook and started writing, to the person who never replied his messages for so long,
To dearest Abdul Jabbar who maybe reading this,
Isn’t it time, for us to rebuild those lost connection. To widen our hearts and forgive one another? And I never gave up in our bond yet. Never thought of it and never will, for it was built for His Sake. Only His Sake.