Assalamualaykum wr wbt
Always, truly honestly and bestly,
Allah azza wa jalla is the best of Listeners.
And I never doubt that. Ever subhanAllah.
It hurts so much when someone you dear so much asked you about something you thought they would understand before.
And upon that reliance in human beings, we are being despaired by them.
When someone so close to you starts not trusting you.
When the someone called your ownself starts to fall apart and failing their functions.
And when that causes great mortality to precious lives.
It hurts so deep. You can’t even open your eyes or speak.
And you asking yourself, when will this ever end.
and when the pain is unbearable and the pain is too painful to even set in your hearts.
That is when you feel that giveup has already given up to rest on your shoulders.
And when you lie on the back seat of the car,
dozing peacefully in the background of Surah An Naml.
You froze and you feel your heart more.
When did that even exist.
And you start to think of that sahabat whom you would cry non stop and she understanding everything even with you not saying a word.
And the grandparents who passed away looking upon you.
And you imagine the angels all looking upon you.
And you imagine if The Prophet s.a.w looking upon you.
You imagine if Allah Ar Rahman, Al Lateef, Al Kabeer, As Sami’, Al Bashir
Looking Upon you.
You froze more.
You ask quietly,
“Am I forgiven? Will I ever be ya Allah?”
And you stopped.
And you asked again,
“Please, make me stronger…”
I always imagine, that I want great kids like Umar al Khattab r.a.
thus if my kids look at me like a weakling, how can they ever be inspired.
I always imagine that my kids would be as shy in doing sins as Uthman al Affan r.a.
thus if my kids look at me as someone who keeps sinning unshyly, how can they ever learnt.
I always imagine my kids being strong as Thalhah r.a. known famously for being the walking martyr
and if my kids look at me being so easily crumbled, how can they every build that strength.
Tests. Make your problems small, and the Ummah’s huge- you’ll fly through the world
if you make your problems huge, and the Ummah’s small- you’ll be flying in your cage, being selfish.
I ask Allah, not for other’s understandings,
but for You awj to widen up my chest, fill it with noor, and keep it as widen as possible till both eyes see You. And till both feet enter Jannah.
Salman al-Farsi narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said:
“Verily your Lord is Generous (Kareem) and Hayyiy. If His servant raises his hands to Him (in supplication) He becomes shy to return them empty,” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi).
Allah Knows Best.
And keep the ummah in your duaas.