In the name of Allah The Most High The Most Merciful.
The warmth of the atmosphere brings a certain amount of delight in the hearts of the chuckling children. All dressed up in vibrant coloured clothes carved with the sincerest of smiles. Allahuakbar. A beautiful gathering indeed. With hugs and handshakes which fill the view and an array of buffet prepared specially for the awaiting guests. Aiman sat on the chair looking around for any familiar faces. His heart was glowing inside. For a specific reason. The moment that he said the sentence witnessed by his dearest families and sahabats he felt an indescribable feeling. All he could say was Alhamdulillah. He stood up as he saw his mother coming towards him. As his mom’s tears fell whilst she was smiling ear to ear, Aiman hugged her. As long as he could. The fragile body which had endlessly making duaa for him. Since before he was born until that second. He smiled again as his mother patted his shoulder.
“I can foresee a lot of things habiby. But for me being this old and witnessing the nikah of my son, is something I didn’t see coming.” Mawaddah smiled at him as she let her son free.
“Ya ummi. Tell me. What is a marriage to you?” Aiman kissed her mom on the forehead and dried his mother’s tears.
Silence followed. And Mawaddah started flipping the entire page of her lifebook, starting from the second she met her husband till the day they parted.
“Marriage is patience. And patience is love. And love is something which comes most beautifully when it is for the sake of Allah awj. Never I regretted having the best man for the other part of my life. Just I was upset with myself is not to be apart of him earlier…”
She smiled thinking of the best parts of her husband. And she started scribbling in her vintage diary. Rewinding, pausing and fast forwarding. True. Since the moment she was destined to meet him to the ups and downs and reverses and free jumps. One big word she wrote in the middle of the book is “Alhamdulillah!”
Some questions have replies…
“Like I said, what is exactly the matter with you?”
“It is not what is the matter with me but what is the matter with you!”
“You’re changing the subject.”
“I am not, I just want you to listen.”
And some have a single word answer…
“What is wrong exactly?”
And the best part is…
“Why are you doing this?”
The art of asking and responding. The power of emotions and rationality. The outstanding ability to have patience throughout versus one second tolerability. All these are some key aspects in a relationship. Truthfully enough, I’m the last person to talk about this but based on mostly my observations and tiny comprehensions from my patients and relatives, I would like to share something tiny about marriage. Which I sincerely ask Allah awj to Grant us the best marriages as the best transportations towards gaining His Love and Mercy upon us inshAllah.
As speaking the haq is usually a tough challenge for some, I learnt that it is the essence of being truthful to yourself. Because if you’re not honest with others you’re doubling that dishonesty to yourself too. Thus honesty is key. In conveying the best of naseehahs. In conveying what you feel what you perceived. What you think. What you expect. To be able to say I don’t know a thing than just keeping silent. To be able to convey the slightest of care even if you don’t feel like it. To say I’m tired even she or he is more exhausted than you are. Being honest for the sake of Allah awj is Al Haq and the Prophet s.a.w is known well for his utmost honesty. Allahuakbar. Easier said than done but at least, we strive to be honest.
Leaning & Learning
Indeed for every path – every nook every hook or every crook will surely teach us a lot in our lives. Teach us the ability to climb higher and higher. And an analogy which we could ponder upon.. the higher we climb the less oxygen we get in the higher altitude and the more difficult it gets for us to breathe. However as we are accustomed to that lack of air it seems slightly easier as we climb more. Truth is its still a tough climb but it’s based on a wider experience in the starters which enables that motivation of “I can do this!” to be released. And all this climb for something bigger – the most wonderful scenery of the Most High only available for those who won against themselves for that long climb. SubhanAllah. Something which we totally will be immersed in and all those hardships in the climb would be totally forgotten. That describes dunya. SubhanAllah. Being in the working arena as a ‘low class doctor’ to our superiors Allah awj Has Taught me a lot about the real definition of dunya. It’s when you’re thrown away from your comfort zone. When you’re unpredictably tested in all sides. When you’re at the verge of shutting yourself down. And no one at all, seriously no one where you can cling onto except Al Hayy- The Eternal Living Allah awj. That is when you completely hook yourself up with Allah awj, with what He swt Has Ordained for you. Its those moments when you thought people will understand you but truth is they can never understand you because they were created not to satisfy your inner needs but with Allah’s Help only those unfulfilled needs are filled. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah for those precious moments when He s.w.t Unclung your heart to this temporary travelling spot. A place where it’s designed for you to grow and reap. To reap the sweetness of eeman and to learn more about Allah awj.
That’s what us as abdullahs should be striving hard for.
The Missing Link
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
[Al Quran, Surah Ar Rum : 21]
[From the Last Khutbah of the Prophet s.a.w]
To men, the Prophet ﷺ said,
“Take good care of women, for they were created from a bent rib, and the most curved part of it is its top; if you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain arched, so take good care of women.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
He has further stressed: “The most perfect believer in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.” (Al-Tirmidhi)
The Prophet ﷺ has also said, “A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” (Muslim)
“…Live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (Qur’an, Surah An Nisa’ : 19)
When we talk about what is the missing link that men nowadays may lack in building relationships with spouses and families be it in a larger community, the number one role model which comes to my mind is our beloved Prophet s.a.w. The man s.a.w with ultimate consideration subhanAllah.
Even at a young age, the Prophet ﷺ showed amazing consideration to those around him. Despite the lack of a steady father figure and the many trials he endured in his youth, the Prophet continued to persevere and serve those who were around him.
After the death of his grandfather, he was sent to live with his Uncle, Abu Talib. Abu Talib had many children but he always treated the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ as his own and did not deprive him of what he needed. He was known to be a generous man and would always feed the hujjaj (pilgrims) when they would come to make pilgrimage. Because of his intense generosity, Abu Talib was poor and struggled to keep his family fed. At the young age of thirteen, our beloved Messenger ﷺ decided that he never wanted to be a burden on the shoulders of his uncle and wanted to fend for himself. In a time where being a shepherd was seen to be lowly and unrewarding, the young Prophet ﷺ sacrificed his own image and became a shepherd, receiving the lowest pay possible.
He did whatever he could to make sure that his uncle did not have to struggle to keep him fed and carried his own weight around the house. He stayed patient and rose in ranks in the work force until he became a successful business man by the age of twenty-five. It is at this time, in a highly chauvinistic society, that Khadijah radi Allahu ‘anha (may Allah be pleased with her) hired him to work for her. Just as his ego did not prevent him from a lowly job when he needed it, again his ego did not prevent him from working for a successful woman, whom he would eventually marry.
When he did finally marry Khadijah (rA), he did not forget the generosity of his uncle. It was not enough for him that he had carried his own weight when living with his uncle, he also wanted to give back. The Prophet ﷺ returned to Abu Talib and made a noble and dignified request. He asked for one of the children of Abu Talib so that he could raise him and care for him, just as his uncle had once done for him. Abu Talib agreed and gave him Ali, who would later be a great torch bearer of Islam.
At an age where many young men are only thinking about themselves, the Prophet ﷺ was already catching every opportunity to make the lives of others easier. Had he not returned to foster one of his cousins, Abu Talib would not have been hurt. Abu Talib did not expect such a gesture; rather, it came from the pure unselfish heart of the Prophet ﷺ. He was truly a man of consideration, asking for nothing in return.
And that is the hardest part of someone’s unselfishness, in asking nothing in return. We ask Allah awj to grant us widest hearts in doing something only for Allah’s Sake and asking nothing in return inshAllah.
Alhamdulillah, Allah Blessed me with a wonderful sister in law, an amazing wife to my dearest brother, and I ask Allah azza wa jalla to Grant both of them endless barakah in their lives, in akheerah utmost importantly and this dunya. Alhamdulillah :)
Calmness in Wisdom
Jadilah Manusia yang Tenang
Tenang adalah satu dari sekian banyak karakter kesuksesan.
اَلْهُدُوْءُ سِمَةٌ مِنْ سِمَاتِ النَّجَاحِ
Tenang adalah ekspresi dari kepribadian yang kuat dan solid.
وَالْهُدُوْءُ تَعْبِيْرٌ عَنْ شَخْصِيَّةٍ قَوِيَّةِ وَمُتَمَاسِكَةٍ
Tenang adalah simbol bagi seorang manusia yang sadar (ngeh) dan maju (bukan kampungan).
وَالْهُدُوْءُ عُنْوَانُ لإِنْسَانٍ وَاعٍ وَمُتَحَضِّرٍ
Kebalikannya seratus delapan puluh derajat.
Seorang manusia yang berang (marah besar) oleh penyebab yang remeh temeh,
ذَلِكَ اْلإِنْسَانُ اَلَّذِيْ يَثُوْرُ لأَتْفَهِ اْلأَسْبَابِ
bereaksi secara berlebih terhadap urusan yang sepele,
وَيَهِيْجُ لأَسْخَفِ اْلأُمُوْرِ
adalah ekspresi dari seorang manusia yang lemah kepribadiannya,
إِنَّهُ يُعَبِّرُ عَنْ إِنْسَانٍ ضَعِيْفِ الشَّخْصِيَّةِ
lemah akalnya dan lemah kemauannya.
ضَعِيْفِ الْعَقْلِ وَضَعِيْفِ اْلإِرَادَةِ
“Sesungguhnya, kedudukan hikmah (kebijaksanaan, wisdom) seorang manusia yang paling tinggi adalah pengetahuannya dalam mengarungi berbagai situasi dan kondisi dan kemampuan menciptakan ketenangan dan ketenteraman dalam internal dirinya, meskipun banyak badai menerjangnya dari luar”.
إِنَّ أَرْفَعَ دَرَجَاتِ الْحِكْمَةِ اَلْبَشَرِيَّةِ هِيَ مَعْرِفَةُ مُسَايَرَةِ الظُّرُوْفِ وَخَلْقِ سَكِيْنَةٍ وَهُدُوْءٍ دَاخِلِيَّيْنِ عَلَى الرَّغْمِ مِنَ الْعَوَاصِفِ اَلْخَارِجِيَّةِ
Pakar psikologi berkata:
يَقُوْلُ عُلَمَاءَ النَّفْسِ
Sesungguhnya, manusia yang marah oleh penyebab yang remeh temeh adalah seorang manusia yang ringkih.
إِنَّ اْلإِنْسَانَ اَلَّذِيْ يَغْضَبُ لأَتْفَهِ اْلأَسْبَابِ هُوَ إِنْسَانٌ رَكِيْكُ الشَّخْصِيَّةِ
Persis seperti pohon yang lemah, sedikit hembusan angin mempengaruhinya.
تَمَامًا كَالشَّجَرَةِ اَلضَّعِيْفَةِ اَلَّتِيْ تُؤَثِّرُ عَلَيْهَا أَبْسَطُ هَبَّةٍ مِنَ الرِّيْحِ
Adapun seorang manusia yang kuat,
أَمَّا اْلإِنْسَانُ اَلْقَوِيُّ
ibarat pohon yang kuat; di mana pokoknya kokoh, cabang dan dahannya menjulang ke angkasa.
كَالشَّجَرَةِ اَلْقَوِيَّةِ؛ أَصْلُهَا ثَابِتٌ وَفَرْعُهَا فِي السَّمَاءِ
Akar-akarnya menghunjam jauh ke dalam bumi, sehingga, hembusan angin yang kuat semakin membuatnya tegar dan kokoh.
تَمْتَدُّ جُذُوْرُهَا إِلَى أَعْمَاقِ اْلأَرْضِ حَيْثُ تَزْدَادُ ثَبَاتًا كُلَّمَا عَصَفَتِ الرِّيَاحُ بِهَا
Dan seorang manusia yang tenang adalah,
manusia yang mampu meraih simpati dan hati orang lain,
هُوَ الَّذِيْ يَسْتَطِيْعُ أَنْ يَفُوْزَ بِقُلُوْبِ اْلآخَرِيْنَ
mampu mendapatkan kekaguman mereka.
Oleh karena itu, dalam hal ini, ada peribahasa lama mengatakan:
ثَمَّةَ مَثَلٌ قَدِيْمٌ يَقُوْلُ :
“Satu tetes madu dapat menjerat lalat, jauh lebih kuat kemampuan jeratannya dibandingkan dengan satu drum empedu”
إِنَّ نُقْطَةً مِنَ الْعَسَلِ تَصِيْدُ مِنَ الذُّبَابِ أَكْثَرُ مِمَّا يَصِيْدُ بِرْمِيْلٌ مِنَ الْعَلْقَمِ
Demikian halnya dengan manusia.
وَكَذَلِكَ الْحَالُ مَعَ الْبَشَرِ
Jika engkau bermaksud meraih simpati orang lain, maka, pertama kali pastikan bahwa engkau adalah temannya yang tulus.
إِذَا أَرَدْتَ أَنْ تَكْسِبَ شَخْصًا إِلَى جَانِبِكَ فَأَقْنِعْهُ أَوَّلاً بِأَنَّكَ صَدِيْقُهُ اَلْمُخْلِصُ
Ketulusan ini ibaratnya adalah satu tetes madu yang menjerat hatinya.
فَهَذِهِ نُقْطَةٌ مِنَ الْعَسَلِ تَصِيْدُ قَلْبَهُ
Itulah jalan satu-satunya untuk meraih hatinya.
وَتِلْكَ وَحْدَهَا هِيَ اَلطَّرِيْقُ اَلْمُؤَدِّيَةُ إِلَى قَلْبِهِ
Sikap tenang, dengan seluruh makna yang dikandung olehnya, mampu membuat banyak keajaiban dan pengaruh terhadap jiwa yang keras sekalipun.
فَالْهُدُوْءُ بِكُلِّ مَا يَعْنِيْهِ مِنْ مَعْنًى قَادِرٌ عَلَى صُنْعِ الْعَجَائِبِ وَالتَّأْثِيْرِ حَتَّى عَلَى النُّفُوْسِ اَلْغَلِيْظَةِ
Jadi, jadilah manusia yang tenang saat berinteraksi dengan orang lain.
إِذاً، كُنْ هَادِئاً فِيْ تَعَامُلِكَ مَعَ اْلآخَرِيْنَ
Pergunakan kebijakanmu terhadap orang-orang yang berbuat buruk kepadamu.
اِسْتَخْدِمْ لَبَاقَتَكَ مَعَ الْمُسِيْئِيْنَ إِلَيْكَ
Berbicaralah dengan kosa kata yang mengekspresikan kecintaan dan ketenangan.
تَكَلَّمْ بِعِبَارَاتٍ وُدِّيَّةٍ وَرَزِيْنَةٍ
Hal ini adalah jalan terpendek untuk meraih hati orang lain.
فَهَذَا هُوَ أَقْصَرُ الطُّرُقِ لِكَسْبِ اْلآخَرِيْنَ
Mendapatkan kekaguman mereka dan jalan menuju sukses.
وَنَيْلِ إِعْجَابِهِمْ وَالْوُصُوْلِ لِلنَّجَاحِ
Caranya: tenang .. logis dalam menjalin hubungan .. dan ikuti kehidupan pada umumnya atau lazimnya.
بِهُدُوْءٍ .. وَعَقْلاَنِيَّةٍ فِيْ عِلاَقَاتِكَ .. وَحَيَاتِكَ الْعَامَّةِ