She sat by the bench, eyes rolling up and down gazing the blinking skies. No clear stars. Her heart was slowly fading. As memories flashed back. She felt lost. It was a weird feeling having to wait for someone to pick her home from work after an unpredictable day. She hit her own car, she lost her phone and to top it up, she lost her car keys. She didn’t know what to do. The first things that came into her mind was one word. “Astaghfirullahiladzim.” She flicked her mind pages thinking, whose hearts has she upsetted. What prayers has she been abandoning. Has she not fasting sunnah fasting enough. Has she not make duaa not enough. She closed her eyes. True, when she opened up to her closest comrades, it wasn’t their replies she was looking forward to. It was just she missed listening to them. She smiled as tears streamed. Very small issues, very small. But she could not take it anymore.
She leaned to the front and whispered, “When is the nikah?” It was the most awkward moment, asking other people about her own sister’s nikah date and time. She forgot, and she knew it, she has been forgetting a lot of things lately. A lot. Her aunt gave out a little, telling her the time and she leaned back. Thinking deeply in her thoughts. Her heart was still having arrythmias. She asked herself quietly. What have you done…
There are two occasions which she loved the atmosphere the most. Eids and weddings. No matter what it is, if there is a sense of quietness and array of food to look forward to, she would sit and just smiled for no reason. These ocassions really have a special place in her heart, and one key aspects were that she had the chance to mingle with the older generation learning, or more of stealing away pearls of wisdom from them. And for this, she had to give a pass.
“This is a bit crazy at the moment. I’ve having the biggest downs in my life.” Her heart stopped as she started to talk.
There was a bit of quietness.
“For the prep of the biggest ups yet?’
“Patients doing okay. Some wanted to punch me. Some family wants to sue me. Some just hate me, whilst others hate me more.”
“For no reason?”
“For me, being me. For me giving endless counsels on quiting smoking. For me being quick at work. For me being strict on myself and others.”
Silence overwhelmed once more. True, to give for the Ummah the best, it will never be easy. For every trials which comes dropping by, there must be a hidden wisdom in it, the thing that only differs is, either you want to know it or you choose to ignore. As the gloomy atmosphere slowly settles in, Ameerah blinked her eyes trying to wash the unstoppable tears and smiled widely.
“For who am I to complain, right?”
Hayati replied with a wider smile. Truth to be told, both of them are suffering slowly inside, but with the backs on one another and ulimately Allah awj’s Help, they knew they are more than capable to pull these through.
Sakeenah half running as she observed the people passing by smiling at her. She felt a huge heaviness in the heart. She smiled back gathering all the sincerity she could. She wanted to run away, to somewhere no one could find her. To fill her ears with the water rippling and splashing of her face. To fill they eyes with the greenery of the trees and the smiles of the bird chirps. She paused again by the corridor. Looking out the balcony with the huge vast of skies on top of her. She took a deep breath in and punched her chest slowly. Her hands were on the balcony sides and she placed her face onto her arm. No one was watching. Now, it’s the time she conversed to Allah awj. Slowly.
This is indeed the toughest places she never expected to be. Never. But she slowly built her strength. She sat on the floor and as she moved her head onto her knees. Some pictures of her closest sahabats flew in. Small whispers yet meant huge.
“You are strong. With Allah’s Will. You are strong.”
Her thoughts flew to the lives, the bodies, the ribs whom she broke as she did cpr. She knew, she had the deep confidence that Allah s.w.t Has set the best taqdir before she ever knew it, but deep in her hearts, she felt the most upsetting feeling and she had to release it through. Very upsetting, not like her usual self.
“How to do more than this if you stop now.”
More words start to fill his mind, and these played the utmost role in her life- that having super friends who are serious in the business of having you as their paradise gang, their words ring in your mind without you even ask for them. She paused cleared up her chest, yet, it still overflowed. The huge amanah of being able to excel, has been a huge task for her to accomplish. The time running in her mind has been covered with running around from one patient to the other from one family member to another, from one colleague to another. She forgot for most moments that she existed. Allahuakbar. Thus in her worships she find utter peace, in solahs, and in listening to Quran recitations. She missed more of those. A lot.
As she entered the ward, her senior colleague called out to her.
“Keenah! I was looking for you everywhere!” A hunch came over her as the nurses scurried into closed curtains. An adrenaline rush could be feel in the tip of the spine as she glanced the clock, 3.45am. She quickly put on her pair of gloves and mask, entered the curtains and saw an old man lying still, not moving. Not even gasping. Astaghfirullah.
“Staff nurse! Cardiac monitor!” She shouted as her hands ran through the patient’s neck checking for any palpaple pulse. Nil. She felt the femoral pulse, nil. The ECG showed some rhythm. Pulseless Electrical Activity.
“Lines please, more of them!” BP was unrecordable, she started to run gelofuscin and felt the pulse again.
“Commencing CPR. Call the houseman next door!” Sakeenah jumped onto the bed and started cpr. Crack once. Every crack made her heart sink deeper. Crack twice. She continued. As the nurse was bagging and the other houseman came searching for an intravenous line, stopped and search for a pulse. Nil. Cpr commenced again. She was tired. This is the third CPR already for tonight. The pulse that she is feeling is more of hers than the patient. As she continued cpr, her eyes suddenly saw her dearest sister standing next to her smiling. She slowed down, and ask slowly, “Why?” The friend just smiled and showed a finger to her heart.
“Even cpr, cpr with your heart. As for that heart you’re assisting to pump the blood to the whole body, requires that connection of your heart with Allah awj.”
As she slowed down, she moved out the bed, and slowly firmly said, “Next..” Her colleague next jumped in and continued with the commencement of cpr.
Sakeenah backed out as she pushed the closed curtains away. She needed that dose of strength. She needed it in this short time. Quickly. And her mind flew to nothing but the first ayah of the first surah in Quran.
In the Name of Allah, The Most Beneficient, the Most Merciful.
In a split second, she gained an all rounded light in her heart. The glow in that heaviness. To keep going when her minds and physiques are telling her that she can no longer go on. It’s with Allah’s Ar Rahman and Ar Rahim, she was still able to go on. She went into the closed curtains again, and whispered to her other colleague, “Me next. Bismillah”
B-ism-illah — In the name of Allah.
The letter ‘ba’ can be translated as ‘in’ or ‘with’. The scholars of tafsir (exegesis) say the letter ‘ba’ in such a sentence is connected to something removed which would have rendered the sentence as follows; ‘I read in the name of Allah’ or something similar, like ‘I begin in the name of Allah’. So the verb and pronoun ‘I read’ has been removed. This is so that the actual sentence begins with His name first because it is not befitting that any other verb or pronoun should come before it in this context. We also gain the blessings (tabarruk) of beginning something with the most blessed of names, as mentioned by Imam Ahmed. It also emphasises the commitment to tawhid (oneness of God) of the reader by beginning this action exclusively in the name of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He).
‘Ism’ means name. It comes from a root word that means to be raised above or elevated. The word for sky/heavens (samaa’) comes from the same root letters.
‘Allah’ is the name of the Lord, the Exalted, the Truth, the One without any equal. It is said that Allah is the Greatest Name of Allah (swt), because it is referred to when describing Allah (swt) by the various attributes. As recorded in the two Sahihs, Abu Hurayrah radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ (peace be upon him) said, “Allah has ninety-nine Names, one hundred minus one, whoever counts (and preserves) them, will enter Paradise.”
Some scholars said the word ‘Allah’ is not derived from other verbs/words. Other scholars said it is derived from a number of words of which I will mention three.
- أَلِهَ (aliha) to worship, similar in meaning to the verb `abada (worshipped)— Therefore Allah is the One who is worshipped.
- أَلِهَ (aliha) to find comfort / tranquillity in—“Surely in the remembrance of Allah do the hearts find tranquillity.’’
- وَلِهَ (waliha) to be confounded—meaning that the intellect is confounded when attempting to perceive the essence and reality of Allah (swt).
Some of the virtues of saying Bismillah:
Immediate reminder and intention check.
If we can make this a habit before every act, then we can check our intentions before we do something and can ensure that we avoid sinful deeds as we are unlikely to lie, cheat, abuse, or harm someone in the name of Allah (swt).
Gaining the blessings of Allah (swt) in every action we do.
As the Prophet ﷺ said, “Every significant act in which bismillah is not mentioned is cut off (from blessings).” Therefore, when we do something in the name of Allah (swt) it will be accompanied by the blessings of Allah (swt).
Defeating the Shaytan (Satan)
Imam Ahmad recorded in his Musnad, that a person who was riding behind the Prophet ﷺ said, “The Prophet’s animal tripped, so I said, ‘cursed shaytan.’ The Prophet ﷺ said, “Do not say, ‘cursed shaytan,’ for if you say these words, Satan becomes arrogant and says, ‘With my strength I made him fall.’ When you say, ‘Bismillah,’ Shaytan will become as small as a fly.”
Protection when entering the house
Jabir (ra) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah ﷺ saying, “If a person mentions the Name of Allah upon entering his house or eating, Satan says, addressing his followers: `You will find nowhere to spend the night and no dinner.’ But if he enters without mentioning the Name of Allah, Satan says [to his followers]; ‘You have found [a place] to spend the night in; and if he does not mention the Name of Allah at the time of eating, Satan says: `You have found [a place] to spend the night in as well as food.” [Muslim]
Protection when leaving the house
The Messenger Of Allah ﷺ said, “If any one of you, when leaving the house says, ‘In the name of Allah, I trust in Allah, there is no power and might except from Allah,’ your needs shall be fulfilled, you shall be saved from difficulties and hardships. Shaytan hearing these words leaves him.” [Al-Trimidhi]
Relief from physical pain
Uthman bin Abu al-As Al-Thaqafi (ra) reported that he made a complaint of pain to Allah’s Messenger ﷺ that he felt in his body at the time he had become Muslim. Thereupon Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said:
“Place your hand at the place where you feel pain in your body and say, ‘In the name of Allah,’ three times and seven times ‘I seek refuge with Allah and with His Power from the evil that I find and that I fear.’” [Muslim]
Surah Al Hashr 22-24
For you who are reading this. At times you think that someone you love or care for the sake of Allah has changed so much.
Take a moment to think that perhaps he’s drowning himself.
Just awaiting for you to tell him quick,
a simple word which suffice,
“Yo Akhi, Let’s get up Bismillah!”