Smile, for Allah s.w.t Is Always Watching.
All Praises to Allah azza wa jalla for every second given to us.
For every heart that keeps pumping.
For every flying chance for being able to remember Him azza wa jalla.
She sat on the tip of the bed, looking carefully at the 100 year old man. And despite her looking nearly Somalian, the uncle continued to speak to her in a non understandable Chinese. He was not tachypnoeic. Just mildly. His eyes were fixed to her. And she paused, counting the respiratory rate in a minute. She paused again. Her head was spinning secondary to severe migraine and she was barely standing. With the box of chocolate milk she pushed into her antrum over 3 minutes, she was still starving.
“Uncle, wo yaw do your ECG” Sakeenah smiled as she placed the leads on the uncle’s chest. She squeezed all the Chinese she knew off her head but it was no use. Apparently he only speaks ancient Cantonese, a different par from Mandarin. The elderly man keep moaning, either in pain or just to let it out. Sakeenah paused again. She do feel tranquil like her name despite her hecticness which seems to never end. But deep inside her she felt upset for no reason. “Astaghfirullahiladzim.” Why sad when Allah Has Given her so much. The uncle kept moaning then he showed her that he was thirsty sign. At once, Sakeenah took a 10cc syringe filled in with plain water and pushed it slowly into the old man’s mouth. Slowly he smiled as his thirst was quench. “Thank you.” He said as he placed his hand on his chest. For a minute, the ward was silent. Silent from anyone’s moans or beeping monitors. She looked around, uneasy of the sudden quietness.
STEMI. She looked into the ECG again. Only Allah Could understand how she felt. The ECG showed some blockage of the coronary arteries, and she was panicking slowly. In the mind, there were high pitched voices shouting, “Why oh why did you ever ever succeed in becoming a doctor? Why oh why???” The Maghrib athan was heard, she felt like that was the end of it. She browsed through the uncle again and he seemed status quo. Nothing changed much. Sakeenah quickly half ran to the next ward bringing the strips. The senior doctor looked at her, and smiled. “Yeap, scold me, I deserve it.” Sakeenah smiled as she showed him the strips. Yusuf just smiled. “Show me the patient.” He went and analysed and finally came to a conclusion that patient was going to be fine.. When the whole world started to collapse on her, she was finally able to breathe again. Allahuakbar. She misses that area of tranquility in her mind.
“What’s your ambition?” Yusuf asked her.
“For both feet to enter Jannah.” Sakeenah replied without hesitation.
“By working like this?”
“If you work sincerely.”
“By abandoning your self?”
“If you abandon it for the sake of Allah.”
“What do you get from all this while then?”
“That you are temporary and so am I. And this world we’re stepping on, will go one day. And may Allah Ease for us for that moment.”
Yusuf replied silence. He had submitted his transfer letter. He chose to step down from the national job and join the emergency team in Tanzania. And he was determined, that if Allah Made it Easy, it will Definitely be easy.
“I thought you were pregnant right? Before that long break in Aussie. How’s the little one doing?”
Sakeenah smiled again.
“Like I said, Dr Yusuf. He was temporary too, a bliss that Allah borrowed to me for 9 months in the tummy and a few hours in my hands. Alhamdulillah.”
Indeed, patience is difficult. It’s not impossible though. It’s just difficult.
The next morning as Sakeenah entered the ward, she saw a Chinese family in tears, and a body stiff in the room, Uncle has passed away.
If you are still you.
Munirah slowly gave a spoonful of rice porridge to her father. Her father looked frustrated. Unable to convey what he wanted to convey. His wrinkles could be seen and he paused. Clearly, he understood well what was happening around him, what people perceive of him, but he was unable to reply. Like he usually used to do. Munirah gave his father a paper and a pen. She understood well what was happening in her father’s mind, but she had no clue what was going around in his heart. Her father grasped the pen and started to scribble on the paper. Clearly, the middle cerebral artery infarct really has caused a huge defect on his capabilities. His heart was going up and down. If this was the best for him, he accepts it. He could not even see half the page, what more to be able to hold the pen firmly in his hand. He looked up blankly to his daughter who was waiting full of patience. Then he looked on the paper again. He tried conversing, but what came out were slurred speech and nothing could be understood. He shook his head and sighed. Munirah placed her hand on her father’s lap.
“No need to say anything, Ba. Just don’t push yourself too hard.” The little heart of hers has been crushed into debris falling away by the blowing wind. Yet, she knew she have, no, she must put out a strong forward.
Her father just shook his head once more. The doctor was unsure if this condition was reversible, thus, they didn’t want to put their hopes high. Munirah took out her mushaf, and read to herself as her father listened attentively. She was reading his favourite Surah, Surah Taha. One of the surahs he’ll miss a lot reciting with his daughter.
In the Hindsight of that Weakness
Indeed human beings are weak. For in this imperfect place we call it dunya, there is nothing such as perfect, because the perfect place for souls to rest and minds to stay free is in the hereafter- in Jannatul Firdaus insh’Allah, reserved for those who are willing and are striving hard for them. Thus at that hindsight of the weakness of us humans, Allah azza wa jalla Grant us numerous strengths from tests and tribulations. To see if we are the ones able to attain the ultimate desire for Allah azza wa jalla to have Redha upon us. Diving into the story of Prophet Yunus a.s.- He was tested hugely from the different tribe of Ninawa, and their stubborness at first to accept the teachings of Prophet Yunus a.s. then into the test of being thrown into the rough seas and then swallowed by a huge fish and being abandoned. Abandoned by his tribe firstly then by the people of the ship forcedfully- a test which Allah s.w.t Sets upon the Greatest of Men, including our beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w., Prophet Yusuf a.s, Prophet Hud a.s. and the other Prophets, may Allah azza wa jalla Shower them with blessings. Thus, if we are tested with tiny abandonments, people leaving us or us leaving people, why should we despair so much and start to abandon our rightful haq to Allah azza wa jalla. For everything that Allah s.w.t Planned, has the best of synopses, has the best of endings and the best of plots, yet we tend to feel unsure if what Allah s.w.t Has Set upon us is indeed the best for us. Allahuakbar, speaking this to myself first and foremost before to anyone reading this. Being engulfed in a world of ‘abandonment’ in a tiny planet called hospital, even it just sets place to your patients, I do feel that outstanding aura. And to keep in line with being professional and emotional, it is tough. For I love observing people, I stare at them as if they never realized it and I inspect every of their gestures, to be able to understand them, for I believed, that the key motivation to improve yourself be it healthwise or ruhiy-wise, comes ultimately from Allah azza wa jalla, which starts from that three letter word – YOU. The ability to watch my patients becoming better is indeed the happiest moments in our lives, and the ones who collapse secondary to our mistakes too are the bitterest yet most learning experience. Truth is, al maut doesn’t choose it’s owner. It’s owned by every single thing which lives and it is a test that every single living thing has to go through. But still, however, in conclusion- we must must must always try our best. No matter how tiring this journey is. No matter how much heaviness the heart has to bear. No matter how much people are trying to slice you up. Never ever give up. And always have the intentions (niah) on F5- refresh and keep refreshing. Ask Allah azza wa jalla to make it easy for Only He Can Ease things. Ask from Allah awj to Grant you sabr, for He Owns our hearts, and Ask Him awj for that outstanding strength, like the quwwatul haq wa amanah as the Prophets s.a.w and the greatest companions.
By the morning brightness
And [by] the night when it covers with darkness,
Your Lord has not taken leave of you, [O Muhammad], nor has He detested [you].
And the Hereafter is better for you than the first [life].
And your Lord is going to give you, and you will be satisfied.
Did He not find you an orphan and give [you] refuge?
And He found you lost and guided [you],
And He found you poor and made [you] self-sufficient.
So as for the orphan, do not oppress [him].
And as for the petitioner, do not repel [him].
But as for the favor of your Lord, report [it].
[Al Quran, Surah Adh Dhuha 1-11]
Afwan jiddan for messages unreplied, it seems Indhibad is getting much more attention now even S3 is on rest. I like Someone told me, easiest thing if you sincerely want to communicate with someone, just call 🙂
Keep the ummah in your duaas dearest readers. Like seriously make duaa for those unjustly imprisoned and for every of our sisters and brothers who are being tortured and under the unjust rulers around the globe. I ask Allah awj to Grant you reading this, the best of hereafter, the eternal bliss in meeting Allah awj, the warmth of Allah’s barakah in everything you’re doing, the boost of motivation to keep going for His sake, and the tiny time to make duaa for this tiny girl hahs!
Ma fi qalbi ghayruLLAH.