Didn’t See it Coming.

Assalamualaykum wr wbt


To Envision the Vision

He walked through the cramped ward and quickly pulled the file under the nurse’s arms. The nurse was too busy to even mind him. He flipped through the notes and peeked at the patients in the ward. He browsed through the notes, now thrice, but still, nothing rang in his mind. A scream could be heard at the end of the ward with Dr Lee and some nurses struggling to confront a 9 year old boy who was in throe.

“Lee, you okay there? Need help?” Abdul Rahman asked observing him from far. Dr Lee showed a thumbs up sign and ‘no worries’ gesture. Abdul Rahman smiled, as he walked towards his curious patient. Every hour is described as an unsolved conundrum to him. He never knows exactly where these come from nor where it would lead him to.

“Hello there.” Abdul Rahman smiled and sat on a chair as closely to the bed. He glimpsed into the notes and then paid full attention to the boy.

“Hello. Assalamualaykum Doctor.” His eyes fixed on Abdul Rahman’s name tag. Neat appearance overall, his hair was a bit of modern-look with ‘cool’ spikes to the left and on his table was a halfway done Sudoku puzzle and a box of orange juice.

“Waalaykum salam warahmatullah, How you today, ingeniur? Anything bothering your plans of the day? Aaah. You have time for  Sudoku when the ziggurat next door is collapsing!” Abdul Rahman and his usual impersonations never failed to amuse the ward crowd. The nurse next to their bed was chuckling and so was Umar.

“Ziggurat?” Umar asked Abdul Rahman who was still smiling widely post on calls the night before.

“The ingeniur doesn’t know what a ziggurat is? Oh no. Seriously.” Abdul Rahman sneered playfully at the curious kid as he made a funny face, half surprised with the doctor’s response.

“I’ll tell you once you tell me how are you sir!” Umar chuckled softly and showed opened his mouth spontaneously. He quietly told him that ulcers have been forming since the day before and he could not eat much. His joints are also aching and he couldn’t walk properly. His appetite has also decreased slowly and he’s going against his mother’s wishes to gain more weight. Not that he did it purposely, he couldn’t control it. Abdul Rahman stopped and examined his heart and lungs.

“Did you watch your man yesterday against Norwich?” Abdul Rahman asked as he scribbled on Umar’s notes. At a second, Umar’s face was over the moon. The radiant bright smile lit up his pale looking demeanor.

“Aah!! Doctor! That was the most brilliant two goals I’ve seen from him! Class! Perfecto!” Umar told Abdul Rahman excitedly and showed him the latest screenshots of his play off his Tab. Abdul Rahman laughed seeing him collecting all the screenshots under the well arranged folder of ‘Ozil’ He smiled. ‘Find your source of motivation to keep you going kid, I always ask Allah to Ease it for you.’

Umar was one of the cases Abdul Rahman found difficult to solve. He has been on and off the wards for 2 years now and the therapy that medicine could offer him was not improving his condition. Because they still have no idea what was wrong with the child. 11 years now and he endlessly told the team that he wanted to be the most respected engineer in the universe. He misses school so much and he also misses his father who hasn’t been checking since two months ago . Abdul Rahman laid on his chair as he received an audio message from his companion in Kaherah. ‘Check out my latest recitation. 🙂 Hope you’re not killing anyone yet! JK!’ He turned on the audio and listened attentively. It’s from Surah Hud.

Abdul Rahman paused his work, it’s a must when listening to Quran for him to pause and think. Think and reflect. SubhanAllahil Adheem.


“And to Thamud [We sent] their brother Salih. He said, “O my people, worship Allah ; you have no deity other than Him. He has produced you from the earth and settled you in it, so ask forgiveness of Him and then repent to Him. Indeed, my Lord is near and responsive.”

[Al Qurah Surah Hud : 61]

“Inna Rabbi Qareebun Mujeeb”. That ayah really struck into his heart. When all the problems he was facing suddenly dispersed and derranged themselves seeking for the ultimate answer. This ayah brings that ongoing enigma into a finale pitstop.

He was given a day off after post call but he chose to hang around in the hospital, to solve Umar’s case which he has been trying to solve since a year ago. The chemotherapy have been giving him the side effects of mouth ulcers and arthritis, which he is not sure if it’s helping to reduce much pain. He knew for sure Umar was a strong hearted boy, perhaps one of the strongest lad he have ever met. He reviewed the referral letters sent by paediatrician oncologists and still they are trying to figure out what exactly is the pathological reason for his condition. A condition which is yet to be unknown, and he knew time was clicking quick. There is no time to dilly dally nor waste.


Abdul Rahman sat in his facvourite corner spot at the hospital’s cafe with his Mocha. At a distant, he saw Dr Rahmah coming to him with a file.

“The research on AML that you requested. Here’s a bit of my bit.” Rahmah passed him the file.


“No thank you, I’m heading home inshAllah. Been so long since I got my holidays approved.”

“I heard. A week right? Getaway with Amran?”

Rahmah shook her head.

“All Praises to Allah.” She smiled.

“Where to if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Istria or Albuquerque.”

“Hot air ballons galore! You told the whole hospital about this already! Tell Amran to bring you poor kid!”

“I wish. Nope. Just staying over with my in laws in Sabah for a week if Allah Wills.”

“Sounds nice mash’Allah. Get me some of the forest herbs and Sabah tea please. And, jazakillahukhayr for these.” Abdul Rahman looked into the 2cm folder.

“Let me know how is our little engineer doing and just ring me if you need anything cool?” Rahmah nodded and left.

If Only You Knew

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ ran home to Khadija and said, “Cover me, cover me!”  Khadija (radi Allahu `anha, may God be pleased with her) held her frightened husband close in her comforting arms. With her warmth and soothing words, she reassured him that she did not have a doubt he was the blessed by Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala(exalted is He). She said to him words that would be recorded in the books of Islamic narrations forever: “By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You uphold the ties of kinship, speak truthfully, help the poor and destitute, serve your guests generously and assist those who are stricken by calamity.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Years after Khadija (ra) passed away, the Prophet ﷺ still remembered her love for him, proclaiming that he would always be indebted to her: “She believed in me when people denied me, she trusted me when people belied me; she supported me with her wealth when people refused to support me and I was blessed with children by her when I was denied children by other women.” (Ahmad)

Rahmah closed her phone halfway through reading the Ebook and looked at the clumping clouds which surround the peak of the mountains. Only if you knew, she whispered. Only if he knew. Now neither matters anymore because she knows well, Allah s.w.t Knows exactly how she feels. How she felt before, and how she will be feeling in the future. And at times, she feel like the whole world is too heavy to bear, she just wants to shut down and erase everything of non importance. She knew that she had did her best, and gave her best for istikharahs. Now, it’s just her who needs to practise it. Just. Need. To. Put. Them. Into. Actions. The sun silently rose and the symphony of the forest creatures could be hear in a faded distance. The ability to switch herself into a different zone when the atmosphere is of she dislikes. She laid back on the grass patch and cried with all her might. Lying back made the tears fall back into her eyes, and they stream down quicker remindin her this world is created only for  little while. Lying back, she was able to witness the vastness of the blue skies reminding her how vast Al Khaliq awj’s Love and Mercy is. For many times she fell, she knew, Allah s.w.t Is Always there to listen to her, to wait for her to get up. She cried more, for she knew, the more she cry the more she gets over things.

She always asked the question why me? Which made her forget to ask herself, “Why Not me?”

She always asked the question what did I do wrong? Which made her forget to ask herself , “What more right can I do?”

She always asked the question why did Allah tested her so hard? Which made her forgot to ask herself, “Have I tried hard enough to be tested by Allah till Allah Is Happy to see me in this condition”

The gushing and splashing sounds of waterfall dimmed the fiery heart as Rahmah sat at the tip of the bank watching her siblings in law, Amna and Amri splashing one another under it. Amna chortled whilst looking at her younger brother who jumped and dived. Pure grace, she thought. Once in a while she looked at Rahmah who was in her own world. Having the most precious week in the midst of her work, she chose to visit her in laws. It was a bit peculiar but admirable as well. Rahmah was one of the closest sisters she had closer than her own sisters, and even Amran, her eldest brother. Because she objects a set of values that she rarely found in others. And every night when she reads the book that Rahmah once gave her ‘ So the Hurruain Will Envy you’  she always make duaa for her. That Allah azza wa jalla Grant her patience and keep her moving excellently towards Him azza wa jalla. So many things are in her heart, yet she chose to keep all to herself. Her mom once told her women are created by Allah azza wa jalla to be strong, to be able to hold a million of things in her heart, to be able to fight death when giving birth, to be able to accept difficulties to be able to hold that resposibility of builiding nations. Women and if there is such device to dive into each of their hearts, surely chapters after chapters of stories can unfold.

“Yaya, you still came despite what happened?” Amna held Rahmah’s hands. Yaya was a nickname where the closed ones to Rahmah always call her. Rahmah kept reticent, as she looked Amna’s hazel eyes. Truth to be told, the whole family already knew what was striking Rahmah and Amran despite they kept the best of silences in universe.

Rahmah hugged her mother in law as tightly as possible. The week which she was nervously waiting for had come to an end. It was indeed one of the best weeks she has spent in her entire life. The chance to speak out honestly, to help out Amna and Amri and their parents. The chance to breathe in the fresh air in the mounts of East Penisula of the country. She felt that was the best way to end things. Or more or, to come out with a clean cut. One of her companions once told her, why do we need to end something worth of akheerah for dunya’s (worldly) matters. The bond which was built for the sake of Allah azza wa jalla will never be broken if it’s truly for the sake of Allah azza wa jalla. Aunt Khairiyah hugged her with tears streaming on her cheeks. Indeed, Rahmah was one of the best girls she has ever met in her life. And will always will. True, the chance of living together in this dunya could be near impossible for them both, but she knew, insh’Allah they can live together happily in akheerah. Rahmah hugged Amna tightly and gave her a white box. Filled with pictures of them together and a huge bar of Cranberry White Chocolate wrapped up for her. Amna’s favourite.

Rahmah stayed silent throughout the flight back home. She didn’t even feel like reading in the plane. At a wink, she felt as if her heart has stopped. She felt for her heart beat and for second, a strong beat could be felt. Relived. Alhamdulillah, she asked Allah to make the heart keep beating for His Sake only. As she opened her bag, she found the envelope and read the heart punching letter once again. The sentences just keep ringing in her head, and she thought repetitively, why, and why?

‘… Life’s tough, I know, you know we both knew it. And I ask Allah to Forgive me, but I think it’s best we embark on different journeys…” 

Embarkation on different journeys. Period. And after endless discussions, she knew deep in her heart, it was the correct move, despite how she dislikes it too.  As she touched down in one of the most hectic airport in the world, a phonecall came in. It’s Aunt Hikmah.

Imam Syafie

Leave or left? 

Abdul Rahman ran with all his might from the on-call room. He received the call in midst of sleepiness after the stay ups last night, and hearing the name, he just ran. As he entered the Paediatrics ward, he paused.

“Uncle Abduh!” The gleeful child smiled at him, in the hospital’s green pyjamas.

“Abdullah!” Abdul Rahman went up to him and hugged him instataneously.

“How are you Uncle Abduh? How’s work?” Abdullah, a 5 year old tiny boy for his age chatted happily. His smile was one of the most beautiful smiles he has ever seen. This is already the fifth time he saw the boy being admitted into their hospital.

“I’m alhamdulillah jumping around cool and rocking like the Hulk as you can see! What’s up with you?” Abdul Rahman took the boy’s folder and skimmed through. High fever, vomitting and diarrhoea for 2 days. Fainted… dehydration. Ddx viral gastroenterities… A middle aged woman was standing by the bed looking worrisome and smiled forcedfully to Abdul Rahman. He nodded acknowledging her presence. She nodded back.

After asking questions, he knew that this boy was sent to the middle aged woman, Hikmah for a week as his mom went for an urgent matter in Sabah. And she’s supposed to come back yesterday, but due to unseen circumstances, she’s coming back today.

“Missing your ummi?” Abdul Rahman asked as he sat back on the bed next to Abdullah.

“Yes, of course Uncle Abduh. But I understand.”

“What do you understand kiddo?” Abdul Rahman smiled as he messed up Abdullah’s hair. Abdullah remain composed.

“That Our Creator, sends us people for a reason. They appear in our lives because Allah Wants to teach us something important… And also, Allah takes people away from us for a reason too. To remind us, all this…” Abdullah passed his hands through Abdul Rahman’s sthethoscope, tshirt and the bed, “… All this Uncled Abduh, do not last.” Abdullah looked up at Abdul Rahman, who was left speechless.

As he looked at the young man in front of his eyes, his heart skipped a beat. And from afar, he saw Rahmah running towards them with a luggage. She swiftly went to Abdullah and kissed him on his forehead, hugged him, and checked his whole body if he was okay. “Are you okay?” “What happened? Is your tummy painful?” Abdullah hugged his mother more tightly as usual and started crying silently.

“You have to be strong, so Ummi can be stronger alright?” Abdullah nodded and hugged his mother more.

Abdul Rahman discreetly left the room and headed towards the ward counter. A pale-looking nurse was waiting for him nervously.

“Doctor. We didn’t want to wake you up early this morning, but patient bed 7A, Umar Zayd… He… passed away this morning at 5.10AM. You know, he usually tells the nurses to wake him up at 4.30AM to pray tahajjud, then the nurses realized they couldn’t wake him up…”

Abdul Rahman felt his knees went weak in a split second. Whilst Abdullah’s words were still ringing in his mind, he felt a sudden crunch in the middle of the heart, non mendable. His hands held onto the counter as the whole world starts dissolving.

“Ya Allah.” “Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun.” He felt a gush of blood filling his head whilst a strong thud slowly accumulate in it. “Ya Allah…”

noorvictory:</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p>Biarkan di belakang, kau teruslah ke hadapan.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />

At times the lightest of questions ‘괜찮아?’ can mean a huge world to some of us.

Meet them and part with them with abundance love. With the time unknown to us, but well known by the All Knower.


“The sun rise, the sun sets too. The earth rotates around it. Lives grow here and there. 
Every single of thing will keep growing. It grows differing numbers and colours. It grows in terms of total and ways. 
If death can do something, surely the living (earth) would have stopped. But death is just a strength so small and weak compared to the living 
getting bigger and more expansive. 
From the Strength of Allah Al Hayy The Eternal Living, the living continues to grow and expland. 
When our lives are for only us, thus life is short and tiny. 
It happened since the moment we realized and ends with the limited age. 
However, if our lives are for others, living for a reason, thus that life will be longer and deeper. 
It starts where humanity starts. And it keeps spreading its wings even after we have left this earth.”

dhillamahmod:</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><p>Subhanallah<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />



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