Lost of Syllables

Terrain, you choose it. 

He stopped thinking. Now, how does this spread. All the letters, A, B, C ran through in his head. The patient moaned in pain, looking at him half heartedly. He was in between to apologise or not. The blood started filling the cannula and dripping to the patient’s jumper. That was not his first time, but subhanAllah, it was an eventful moment. No one could understand including the intern who was looking at him.

“Wipe this off, you have gloves on you, and throw my tourniquet in the bin.” The tourniquet was stained with this red colour thing. Badly stained. The intern left him to get more wipes.

“I can’t see my blood!!!” The agitating patient was moving. His edematous face, showed he was exhausted post 5 hour surgery yesterday. Still, that did not reduce the shivering hands of Mus’ab. He looked at the patient, despite the shivering hands, he tried to look as calm as possible. Again, the patient was moving and moaning in pain. It was just a tiny needle in his arm. Mus’ab wiped off his slight anger and attached the cannula a connector. He wiped the blood slowly, with gloves on his hands. He stopped after a swift thank you and left the patient. He will never want to meet that patient again. Like seriously again.

He walked past the wards, heart crushed. Only Allah azza wa jalla Knows how he felt. His fear of getting infected with Hepatitis C, and this was only watched in dramas about HIV. The sight of hepatitis, liver cancer flashed back in his mind and he felt, different. His colleague was smiling at him and patted on his shoulder. “What’s up?” Mus’ab didn’t say anything and kept silent. He was lost in his syllables. The terrain, he chose it. And now, he has to stand on his own feet to make the right walking path. All for His Sake. In the midst of dharruriyat and not, tadhhiyyah and not and tawakkul or not. He felt sometimes he was lost in those. He knew very well that patients back in his homeland- HIV, Hep C and many more contagious illnesses, he will, no.. must deal with them, thus he has to undergo that test, small to others but a huge thunderclap headache  for him. He paused, ran into the empty rooms, took wudhu’ and performed dhuhaa. The most longest dhuhaa he had ever done.

Rely Upon Him. 

She chatted away with her sahabat about what happened in the meeting with her future in laws.  It was pretty scary and exciting at the same time. She could not exactly tell the experience, but it was something she was looking forward to. She had no idea how exactly her future husband would cope with stress, thus she decided to talk to her future parents and siblings. Alhamdulillah, they loved him , are happy with him, so she thought it was a good start. Now, it’s to leave to Him azza wa jalla. Sakeenah stopped, slowing her steps. She saw fresh egg skinshells on the floor. Oops. This is not a clear sign. She held Yusra’s hand and in a split second, an egg hit her head and bag. Late. Now her sympathetic innervation tells her to run. She knew that area was a big alarming area where she should be careful. Her heart was thumping quick and her legs started to take bigger paces. She wanted to run. Yusra held her arm and shook her head. “We’re not running.” Sakeenah’s heart sank. No way. They quickly walked until they passed the grey area. She stood still her hands cold and clammy. “You okay?” Yusra’s voice started to drift away. Atrial fibrillation on the way. She felt for her radial pulse and swallowed some tears silently. Out came the fake smile and she nodded. “You take care.” They said salams and Sakeenah looked blankly on the traffic light. Egg yolk on her bag, she kept silent, and then engulfed herself, saying repeatedly “Astaghfirullahiladzim, Bismillahi la yadhurru ma3asmihi shay’un fil ardh, wala fissama’, wa huwas sami3ul 3aleem.” Suddenly she heard a shriek at the bus stop, a lady was pulling her own phone from being robbed, and no one moved. Sakeenah herself was frozen. She looked, and the lady managed to prevent herself from being robbed. And the guy, drunk walked away, as though nothing happened. Slowly she gathered herself and pressed on the pedestrian button on the traffic light. Speechless. This city has become more dangerous. She walked briskly towards the bus stop, lost in thoughts.

 A man who came to the Prophet of mercy ﷺ shouting: “Woe be to myself, I have sinned, woe be to myself I have sinned!” The Prophet ﷺ did not ask him about what kind of sin he committed nor where he came from, nor when was the last time he came to the masjid (mosque); instead he sat him down, and calmingly asked him to say the following: “O Allah your forgiveness is far more vast than my sins, and I have more hope in your mercy than in my own actions, so please forgive me,” then asked him to repeat it again, then again, then told him to stand up: “Allah has forgiven your sins.”

SubhanAllah. Allah s.w.t mentions to us that He azza wa jalla Will Test us with fear and hunger. And us should always be thankful to Allah azza wa jalla on that. For every person sent to us, for every reminder which stops by the ear. For every second of warmth spent in the midst of the snow. The feeling of secureness, happiness and warmth. Despite being surrounded by human beings, those are feelings which Allah azza wa jalla make them alive in our hearts. And subhanAllah, how He Knows every single thing that happens in the heart. For every test or challenge He s.w.t Puts us onto. Is there any way that we paused and said, “Alhamdulillah, He is remembering me?” and do we get tensed up when we are happy for a too long extent of time. For this mini abdullah here, everytime she gets super happy, there will be yellow signals saying- ahah! Be careful ukhti. And subhanAllah, there will be that eventful moment when the hearts all dushed up and tears sent to cleanse that heart away. Alhamdulillah, say alhamdulillah although things get hard- be thankful, and if you are forced to be thankful search up that sincerity to be thankful. Be thankful, Allah azza wa jalla will add up to your ni3mah, and be sincere, the shaytaan will be knocked out by your sincerity ‘kick!’ 🙂

So many things happening this week, 20 more days to exam, the qalb is slowly saying sayonara to this land where family and love of eeman was found. And that favourite comrades building baitul muslim making the heart long to have their kids visiting me one day. And that brother getting married soon too. And those sahabats gleeing with the upcoming robe ordering and scribbles of year book. And the latest comrades found which will have super difficulty in saying future sayonaras. Upcoming camps. Upcoming gardens of love.



To Him s.w.t we ask, to grant us Quwwah and make our meet-ups and goodbyes for His Sake only.

Because surely we don’t want to miss the shade where there is no shade other than His right?


This was dedicated for the most important woman in my life. She who I want to see smiling in Jannatul Firdaus, inshAllah.

You are in the beautiful firm position
Like the flower which blooms unfolding the fragrance around
Oh Allah, increase our akhlaaq being much better
Much purer, much cleaner, and not having unwise attitude

And make it similiar to Muhammad’s (phuh) akhlaaq, in patience
Being patient with others for the sake of Allah
Oh Allah make our akhlaaq much better
The servant with good akhlaaq proceeds in success

In the everlasting jannah
Close to you Allah, Ahmed (pbuh) is there
And those who have good akhlaaq
Will be the closest to him (pbuh) in paradise

Many times Allah praised Muhammad’s (pbuh) akhlaaq
As he (pbuh) is the most truthful unfeigned one
Allah chastens his messenger (pbuh)
He (pbuh) is the best mannered one created by Allah

He (pbuh) is merciful to his ummah forever
And he is the light that shines beautifully to mankind
His perfect character is the akhlaaq of Quran
And was gifted to him (pbuh) from Allah the Merciful

Allah Knows Best,

the abdullah who is supposed to be drowning in books grr.

Make duaa for her please- to be hardworking at least! 🙂


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